


why do we have to go and make things so complicated?

by WellDoneBeca



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Doctors & Physicians, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everyone is so protective, F/M, Hangover, Healthy Relationships, Hospitalization, Kaydel Ko Connix is a good Bro, M/M, Minor Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, Mutual Pining, Pregnancy, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Finn (Star Wars), Protective Poe Dameron, Protective Rose Tico, Referenced Drunk Sex, Referenced Unprotected Sex, Rey & Rose Tico Are Best Friends, Rey & Rose Tico Friendship, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey doesn't know what she's doing, Rose Tico is a Good Bro, Secret Crush, Secret pregnancy, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Rey/Ben Solo, Slow Burn Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, So many Doctors, Surprise Baby, The Jedi are Jewish and I will die on that hill, The skywalkers are Jewish and I will die on that hill, Unhealthy Relationships, Unplanned Pregnancy, We have everything, including me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 29,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25062262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WellDoneBeca/pseuds/WellDoneBeca
Summary: Flatmates Rey and Ben dance around the bush too much, and never reach anything. So one night, when they are too drunk and sleep together and he pretends it never happened, Rey takes the rejection like an adult and tries to move on; but when she falls pregnant and the only possible father is no other than Benjamin Skywalker Organa Solo, there are some hard decisions she has to make.How long can someone hide a pregnancy from their flatmate and colleague without getting caught?
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix/Phasma, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 241
Kudos: 469





	1. why do we have to go and make things so complicated?

**Author's Note:**

> As the old saying goes, there are three things you can't hide for long: A cough, a rotting body, and a pregnancy. So... Good luck, Rey. 
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Flatmates Rey and Ben dance around the bush too much, and never reach anything. So one night, when they are too drunk and sleep together and he pretends it never happened, Rey takes the rejection like an adult and tries to move on; but when she falls pregnant and the only possible father is no other than Benjamin Skywalker Organa Solo, there are some hard decisions she has to make.  
How long can someone hide a pregnancy from their flatmate and colleague without getting caught?


	2. If I bleed, you’ll be the last to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone  
> Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes  
> And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).

Rey squeezed her eyes shut in annoyance, feeling the foreign arm in the middle of her torso weighing her down and keeping her from moving. Still, she twisted on her side and tried to identify whoever was in her bed – was this her bed? - with a grumpy frown, freezing when her eyes finally came to fall onto the peaceful and known face who’d been in her life for years and years.

Ben?

Fuck. Wait. Ben?

Ben Solo?

Suddenly, the whole night of events came to her head. The drinking, the fact that some random experience in the morning at work had made her even needier than usual, and their stupid drinking contest in the living room. By the time she offered to ‘help Ben go to bed’, they were so fucking hammered that Rey didn’t even know how they were standing – which didn’t make sense, because Ben should have the drinking capacity of a horse with how big he was, but couldn’t hold his alcohol at all – and they both just crashed right there, started undressing, and one thing led to the other.

And it was good. It wasn’t the best sex she had ever had, but even drunk Ben was attentive and caring and sweet.

And, in Ben Solo fashion, he wouldn’t remember a thing. So she should just collect herself before he woke up, and she died of embarrassment like a Sim in the hands of a sadistic gamer, and that’s what she did, standing on wobbly legs and picking up any sign of her presence in his bed before tiptoeing to her own bedroom in their flat.

She had lived together with Ben since they were friends in medical school, having met as teens, and had even moved out of the shabby and tiny flat they lived before to where they were now, and she always had a crush on him. Not that he knew; Ben Solo was the most clueless man she had even met, and in cases like this, it was a blessing.

They had no shifts today, thank whatever deity had invented off days, but she was still up in the morning like usual because Rose had decided it was a good idea to drop by around breakfast time. On a day off. During the weekend.

Just great.

“Morning,” Ben muttered as soon as she stepped into the kitchen, practically drowning in his cup of coffee.

“Morning,” she covered her eyes, trying her best to act as innocently as possible. “Coffee?”

Ben didn’t verbally answer but pointed to the counter, where a fresh pot was waiting, and she ruffled his hair as she walked by him, making him groan.

“What happened yesterday?” he asked, clearly confused. “Did we really drink as much as I think we did?”

“Yep,” she moved her free hand to close the curtains from the small window in front of their sink. “I don’t even know how I got to bed last night. Everything after the 5th tequila is messed up.”

Ben fell into a long silence, and she held her breath, waiting to see if he would say something about it. _Hoping_ he would say something about it. 

“Wait… We had tequila?” he finally asked.

Before she could answer, a knock on the door echoed through the flat, and she stood up straight.

“That must be Rose. I’ll go get it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).


	3. Life is a gradual series of revelations that occur over a period of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because life is a gradual series of revelations that occur over a period of time  
> It's not some carefully crafted story. It's a mess, and we're all gonna die.  
> If you saw a movie that was like real life you'd be like, "What the hell was that movie about? It was really all over the place."  
> Life doesn't make narrative sense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Rey rested her forehead against the closed toilet lid with a grimace, feeling her stomach twisting and turning inside her. She hated this, she absolutely hated this. 

“Don’t worry, peanut,” Finn rubbed her back gently. “Poe is already calling the city health department about the restaurant and Ben is getting you home.”

She groaned in annoyance anyway. Whose stupid idea it was to go to a new place after their previous shift?

Oh, yeah. Rey’s. 

“Why didn’t we go to Maz’?” she moaned, bending over the toilet again. “Finn!”

Her friend only continued to rub her back, and they turned around when Ben stepped into the bathroom. 

“Luke said you’re good to go,” he told them. “Finn, you can go. Phasma needs a second opinion in an x-ray from a fractured leg before your next appointment.”

He gave Rey’s hair a bit of a pat before standing up, and Ben sat on the floor – already dressed like a normal civilian – and pulled her hair from over her face. 

“I told you that place was shady,” he pointed out, not in an accusatory tone, but gently while using a handkerchief to clean the sweat away from her temples. 

“Don’t be a nag,” she whined. “I’m sick.”

Ben chuckled. 

“And you would still be working if you could, if I know you well,” he joked. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

He offered her his arms, which Rey took without a complaint, and about 15 minutes later she was already falling face down onto her bed, with Ben leaving her behind for a couple of minutes before returning. 

“Here’s water,” he placed a big bottle on the side of her bed and lowered himself with a big bucket, leaving it at the bed’s foot. “And here’s something for you in case the bathroom is too far.”

Rey just groaned. She wasn’t invalid. She was just sick. 

She fell asleep easily, however, comforted by the fact that Ben was putting an effort into taking care of her, and woke up with a surprised look on her face when she realised he’d already been back from grocery shopping, and was silently placing two bottles of coconut water with the normal water, and was holding a thermometer in his freakishly giant hands. 

“Open up,” Ben muttered, pointing at her mouth.

She was still sleepy when complying, but he didn’t seem to care, sitting down by her side and pushing her hair out of her face. 

“Did you vomit when I was out?”

Rey shook her head, and raised her eyes when she heard the sound of a kettle. 

“I’ll be back in a minute,” he promised. “Don’t move.”

Rey laid quietly in her spot, trying not to relax onto the bed and fall asleep again. When he came back, he was holding a fuming mug, and placed it aside before taking the thermometer from her mouth and checking for the results. 

“You don’t have any fever,” he declared. “Which is great.”

She just nodded, and Ben reached for the mug, delicately offering it to her. 

“Here,” he twisted it, so she could secure it with her dominant hand. “Peppermint tea. My mother made it for me when I was sick. It helped.”

Rey sat up and sipped on it slowly. 

“You’re too sweet,” she muttered.

He chuckled and twisted his hand on his lap. 

“Keep telling yourself that,” he rubbed her back. “I got everything from your list,” he told her. “Even the fancy tampons.”

Rey rolled her eyes, but let herself smile a little. What other man would ever be open to buying her tampons? 

Only Ben. 

He was gorgeous, hot, strong, extremely smart, and considerate. That man had ruined her for any other. 

“Thank you,” she muttered. “It was nice of you.”

“Don’t worry about that,” he stood up. “I’m gonna bring your stuff. Just drink your tea.”

And she needed, but frowned mid-sip, confused for a moment. 

Wasn’t her period supposed to be, what, over three weeks ago? She was almost a month late. 

But when was the last time she even had her period?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	4. Desperate people find faith…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... so now Rey is praying.
> 
> "I didn't tell you I was scared  
> Desperate people find faith, so now I pray  
> I know delusion when I see it in the mirror, I just pretend it isn't real  
> This won't go back to normal, if it ever was"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Two weeks. That was how long she pushed herself into ignoring the little birds singing into her ear that she could possibly be pregnant right now. She wasn’t on any birth control, and she had had sex – with _Ben_ – not so long ago. It was plausible, right?

But still, for two weeks, Rey – a doctor, a gynaecologist, nonetheless – pretended nothing was wrong and that the sickness she was feeling could only be a stomach bug, and that she shouldn’t be worried that her period was almost two full months late. Because she couldn’t be pregnant. She couldn’t possibly be pregnant.

Until it was too much, and she needed to know the answer. So here she was, taking her own blood sample and writing a random fake name on a tag, just so she could make it absolutely sure that she was fine. Not pregnant at all.

And her heart _wasn’t_ beating like crazy in her chest as she walked to the nurse station to try to find Kaydel and hope and pray to anything she believed in that the nurse would be discreet with the whole plan she’d come up with.

“What can I do for you?” the friendly girl leant over the counter with a smile.

“Look, I have this patient,” Rey looked around. “And she’s kind of a big deal, and I need a pregnancy test for her.”

She offered her the blood sample, and Kaydel took it, winking at her.

“I’m your girl,” she assured her, and read the name of the tag. “Daisy Ridley? Now, that’s a cool fake name. Should I email it to you?”

“Yes, please,” Rey nodded. “And thank you a lot, Kay.”

“I got you,” she assured her with a smile, then reached under the desk to pull up a file. “Oh, this one is for you. The patient is waiting in room 3.”

She sighed, picking it up.

Back to work it was.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” her friend answered as she walked away. “Good luck.”

She had no idea how much she’d need that.

* * *

Rey paced around the living room impatiently, almost feeling like pulling her hair off. Kaydel should have sent her the test results already, she had said they would be ready hours ago. What was taking her so long?

The test had to be negative. It just had to. She couldn’t have a kid right now. Rey had never even thought about having kids in her life and being a doctor didn’t help at all. And how could she be a mother if she had never had a mother herself? Half of her life had been spent with people coming and going, doing the bare minimum to keep her and the other orphan kids alive, her grandmother was much more her friend than anything else in her life. 

And Ben… First of all, how would she explain this to Ben? He would freak out.... No, he would probably pass out first. He didn’t even remember they had slept together, and she’d just drop a bomb about a baby on his lap? She couldn’t do that to him, he was her best friend - the first friend she even felt truly bonded with with. Ben would probably leave her if she did that, who would want a random baby like this with someone they didn't even have any feelings beyond platonic for? It would be too much to ask him, too much to offer him. She had settled into being his friend, she could accept being just his friend... She couldn't bare losing even that one thing they had. 

“Look,” she raised her head, looking up ar the ceiling at an invisible heaven or whatever and promptly talking to whatever deity was commanding her life right now. “I know I’m not the most faithful woman and never was. But if you help me and don’t let this happen, I promise I’ll go to the synagogue every weekend, and I’ll never work on a single Saturday again in my life, and attend every single…”

The ping from her phone made her rush to the small bar where she’d left it, and an email popped up on her screen.

Kaydel had finally, _finally_ , sent her the test result.

Rey opened the message quickly, ignoring any text in it and jumping right to the pdf file that’d come along with it.

No clinical notes, reference intervals and…

Positive.

She was pregnant.

She was definitely pregnant.

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	5. You're looking for answers, but answers aren't looking for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You want things to be wrapped up neatly the way that stories do, you're looking for answers, but answers aren't looking for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

“Rey?” Ben called by her side. “Rey.”

She jumped in surprise, eyes snapping to the man in front of her with surprise.

“Yeah?” she asked, trying to calm herself down.

It had been two weeks since she’d found out she was pregnant and kept the secret from anyone in her life, and, according to her calculations, she was probably around 12 weeks pregnant. _Probably_ because, like Rey did with everything in her life, even while being a medical professional, she was ignoring the problem.

They were all in the flat she shared with Ben. Kaydel, Rose, Hux, Poe, Finn, and even the cat the latter two had, BB, and apparently, Rey had drifted off yet again during their conversation.

“Are you okay?” Finn questioned. “We’re kinda worried about you.”

She looked around, finding all of her friends staring at her with worried looks. Alright, she couldn't tell them the truth, not right now. She needed time and a low-pressure environment where she didn’t feel like she was being crowded.

“I’m okay,” she assured them.

“You’re clearly not,” Poe corrected her. “I mean, everyone knows you’ve been acting weird for the last… month, I guess?”

The whole group nodded.

“You’ve been really off lately, Rey,” he insisted.

“Did anything happen?” Kaydel questioned almost in a whisper. “One of the nurses mentioned that she caught you crying in the bathroom earlier this week.”

To say pregnancy had made Rey overly emotional was to say too little. Just in the last month she’d caught herself crying over the smallest of things, including but not limited to her situation, videos about dogs, a quick call with her grandmother - who was incredibly worried after said call - and a sandwich. In the bathroom at the hospital, she was crying because of her situation. She was still trying to figure out a lot of things and doing her best as a doctor with what she had.

“I… Uh,” Rey hesitated, trying to come up with something. “I was having a horrible day, so I hid in the bathroom to cry. That happens.”

Ben turned to her, silent but clearly worried, and she took a deep breath. That wasn’t a lie. Lately, most of her days could be called bad days, honestly. 

“Look, it’s okay,” she insisted. “I’m okay.”

Her baby… Okay, that was so strange to say. Her baby was the size of a plum now. The morning sickness was still happening and annoying, but not as bad as it was in the beginning, and she didn’t look pregnant just yet, so it was easy to hide things.

“You know we’re here, right?” Rose affirmed. “If you need anything, any help with whatever might be happening. We’re your friends.”

Rey felt tears coming to her eyes and tried to blink them away quickly.

“You’re not just my friends,” she corrected her. “You’re my family. I know I can count on you, don’t worry.”

Her friends smiled largely, and she tried to swallow down the knot in her throat, although unsuccessful.

“I’m going to get drinks in the kitchen,” she stood up quickly. “Does anyone need anything?”

“If you have more wine, I want some, please,” Hux added.

She just nodded quickly, and stopped in front of the fridge, breathing in deep and letting out a long soft moan, pouring herself a glass of water and picking up the wine bottle from inside, jumping in surprise when Rose and Kaydel practically appeared behind him.

“Holy shit, girls,” she exclaimed, jumping. “You don’t do that to people!”

“Why?” her friend questioned. “Do you have something to hide? Is that why you’re so weird?”

Her eyes widened.

“I’m not hiding anything,” she declared. “Why do you think I’m hiding anything?”

They crossed their arms.

“Well, I don’t know,” her nurse friend looked around. “Maybe you’re Daisy Ridley!”

Rey swallowed down hard and closed her mouth shut, trying to pretend she didn’t understand what they were talking about. 

“That’s absurd,” she forcefully rolled her eyes. “Where did you take that idea from? I’m not… I don’t even know who that is.”

“Why aren’t you drinking, then?” Rose raised her an eyebrow.

Rey blinked a couple of times.

“I’m on antibiotics because I have a UTI,” she decided. “And you can’t drink on antibiotics.”

Ben walked into the room, and the three women turned to him, making him stop.

“What?” he frowned.

“Nothing,” Rey decided, taking her glass and pulling the bottle closer to herself. “I was just going back to the living room.”

She turned around to look at the girls and took a breath.

“You two are insane. I’m out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	6. Leaning on somebody's never easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Tuna. Someone was having Tuna for lunch. More specifically, a tuna potato salad with mayonnaise. Why in hell, she didn’t understand, but they were. And when the smell reached Rey’s nose, she couldn’t get out of there any faster.

It took her about five minutes to feel a bit better and get up, walking to the sink and finding Rose and Kaydel waiting for her.

“Gatorade?” her blonde friend extended her hand with the bottled up drink, and she sighed.

“Please.”

Another wave of nausea hit Rey made her turn right back around to the bathroom stall, both the women followed her, and Rose was quick to kneel behind her and hold her hair back.

“Come on, sweetheart,” she whispered as Kaydel rubbed her back. “This can’t be just a UTI.”

She closed her eyes and rested her head close on her shoulder.

“Fine,” she whispered. “I don’t have a UTI.”

They waited and helped her stand up, watching as Rey washed her mouth and sipped on the blue Gatorade in her hand.

“You gotta promise that you won’t tell anyone,” she affirmed. “This stays between the three of us.”

Kaydel and Rose nodded quietly, and she bit her lip.

“I’m pregnant.”

The silence that fell into the bathroom was just as pregnant as Rey herself, honestly, and her two friends stared at her for a long moment.

“Okay,” Kaydel finally said. “Good.”

Rey turned to her in surprise, raising an eyebrow in complete confusion.

“Good?”

“Rey, with how weird you were, I was honestly expecting cancer,” she pointed out. “It can be a reason for high HCG levels in the blood, you haven’t shown any signs of pregnancy and, let’s be honest, you are in a _huge dry spell_. Or were, I think.”

She rolled her eyes, but it was indeed the truth. Before Ben, Rey couldn’t even remember the last time she had had sex with anyone. It was over a full year earlier.

“Do you know how long?” Rose asked.

“12 weeks, 13 next Friday,” she answered. “So… Three months?”

Her friend nodded.

“Do you know the sex?”

She shook her head.

“I only know that I’m pregnant,” she explained. “And who the father is.”

The two exchanged looks.

“What did he say when you told him?” Kaydel asked. “How did he react?”

To that, Rey had no answer, and the two leant closer to her.

“Rey,” Rose spoke slowly. “You told him, right?”

More silence. This time, both her friends let out exclamations of annoyances and disbelief.

“Rey!”

“I don’t know how!” she defended herself. “Look, we were really drunk and we accidentally slept together, and I guess we forgot to use a condom!”

They shook their heads, and she covered her face with her hands.

“I don’t know what to say,” she insisted. “And he doesn’t even remember we slept together, I walked out before the sun was up, and he was sleeping, and he didn’t say anything about it when we saw one another next, so why bring it up?”

Kaydel pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I don’t know, Rey. Maybe because you got _pregnant_ from that specific one-night-stand?” she asked. “Maybe because there’s a man out there walking around who doesn’t know half of his DNA is cooking inside your womb? And is going to form a baby that is just as his as yours? What if he wants to be a parent to that baby?”

Rey covered her face with her hands again, feeling herself getting emotional again and tears falling on her cheek.

“And what if he doesn’t?” she fired back, trying to keep her voice low. “What if they don’t want anything to do with me or my baby? What if they reject me and I have to raise this kid alone?”

Kaydel fell into silence and Rey closed her eyes.

“I’m afraid,” she continued. “I’m bloody terrified.”

Her friend stopped and stepped close, wrapping her arms around the pregnant doctor just as Rose did a couple of seconds later.

The three of them stood there for a long moment before separating, but the obstetrician continued close to Rey for a moment.

“You won’t raise this baby alone,” she assured her. “It takes a village to raise a child. You have a whole village to raise them in us. All of us.”

Rey smiled in between her tears, sniffing.

“Even Hux?”

“Hux loves babies and kids,” she affirmed, rolling her eyes playfully. “He’ll be the first one in line for the babysitting days, don’t let the grumpy face fool you.”

They all laughed, and her friend grinned largely.

“Come on. Let’s see what this baby looks like.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	7. It's much better living it than looking at it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, Rey,” her friend said slowly, taking a big breath and moving the wand over her skin. “You can look at the screen, now.”  
> She hesitated, and her friend extended her free hand to squeeze her for a moment.   
> “You can do it.”  
> She opened her eyes slowly, and her breath got caught in her throat. A human.  
> Her eyes felt wet, and sobs broke through her body just as her hand covered her mouth.  
> “It’s my baby,” Rey whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

How Rose had managed to squeeze her so quickly into an appointment and get an ultrasound machine, Rey didn’t know. Not even half an hour after the conversation in the bathroom – still during their break – she was lying on the hospital bed with her friend ready to run her wand over her still flat stomach. 

She closed her eyes before the monitor was even on. It felt surreal to be here, looking at this baby she was carrying in secret and sharing such a moment with someone after keeping the news to herself for such a long time considering how far along she already was. 

“Okay, Rey,” her friend said slowly, taking a big breath and moving the wand over her skin. “You can look at the screen, now.”

She hesitated, and her friend extended her free hand to squeeze her for a moment. 

“You can do it.”

She opened her eyes slowly, and her breath got caught in her throat. A human. There was a little human inside her, with two legs and two arms, and a little heart. 

Her eyes felt wet, and sobs broke through her body just as her hand covered her mouth.

“It’s my baby,” Rey whispered. 

Rose could only smile and reach out, squeezing her hand.

“It’s your baby,” she whispered. “I’ll show you their heartbeat, okay?”

She nodded, and her friend pressed a couple of buttons, filling in the room with a strong sound that only made her cry more.

And while her friend worked, seeing measures and organs and making sure her baby was healthy and perfect, she just continued to marvel on what was before her. Her baby. She was a mother now. 

“So, no multiples. Only one baby,” she announced. “Baby looks perfectly healthy, your uterus too…”

“Do you think I’ll start showing soon?” Rey asked, looking in her direction. 

Rose offered her paper tissues to clean herself, and walked to the printer.

“Honestly, considering your height and how this is your first pregnancy, I’d expect so by week 16, but one of my patients looks like she isn’t even pregnant, and she’s 7 months in. You can start showing tomorrow, or next month. We’ll have to wait to see.”

She nodded and touched her lower stomach. She was having a baby. This was crazy. 

Rose stepped silently close to her and offered her a pair of small photographs of the scam. 

“I made copies for me and Kaydel,” she told her. “And one for the dad.”

Rey held the two photos and lowered her eyes. She still had to deal with that.

“Are you telling me?” her friend asked in a gentle whisper.

She sighed and shook her leg a bit. 

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I’m… Rose. I need…. I haven’t told him and I don’t want him not to be the first to know.”

Her friend shifted on her spot, finally seeming to understand what was underneath the mystery. 

“We know him, right?” she asked. 

Rey only nodded, and Rose sat on the hospital bed. 

“Okay,” she decided. “But I’m the godmother, right? Or a… What’s the name you Jewish people have for godparents?” 

She laughed and finally pulled her scrubs over her torso, fixing herself. 

“You know very well that I do not practice,” Rey pointed out. “But yes, Rose. You can be the godmother. It’s not like I would choose anyone else for that position.”

“Well, there’s Kaydel,” she pointed out. 

“You’ve been my friend for a longer time,” she pointed out. “And my doctor.”

To that, Rose frowned. 

“I am?” she raised her eyebrows. “Oh, great. Another one for the list of the weirdest patients I’ve cared for.”

Rey laughed and her friend bit her lip. 

“Does that mean I get to know who the father is?” she probed. 

“Nope,” Rey held her two photos closely. “Goodbye now.”

. . .

Rey knew very little about her parents. Until she was fifteen, she didn’t know anything about them. She had been left at a Jewish orphanage as a baby, along with some clothes and nothing more, and lived there ever since then. She always believed her parents had simply left her, until her grandmother finally found her - after apparently, years and years of tracking her, along with her mother. Today, she knew a few more things: Her father had died before she was born, killed by his own father for abandoning the family’s corrupted business to be with her mother, and her mother had had to give her up to protect her from the same man, and met the same faith. 

Grandma Sabé loved Rey and made her life by showing her that Rey was loved, both her parents and by her. Destiny was just too cruel to them. Payback, however, was simply sweet when Sheev Palpatine died and his fortune and belongings ended up in Rey’s possession. Still, the past was hard to erase. She still felt abandoned, still felt like she needed to shield herself from people, and was deathly afraid what had happened to her would happen again. 

So maybe that was it. Maybe that was the reason she didn’t want to tell Ben about the baby. What if he left? She didn’t know if she could face being alone again, not after so long. Life with her grandmother and her friends had made her soft. She didn’t know how to react if she went back to how she was before. 

She ran a thumb over the small photograph with a strange feeling in her chest. Was that how her mother felt when she was pregnant with her? Alone and scared, without her lover to tell her everything was going to be alright for her and their baby? Did she have any friends like Rose and Kaydel, who would be by her side when she was hiding?

She sighed. What was she going to do?

A knock on her door made her jump and her hand automatically flew from her stomach, but she had no time to hide the photograph. 

“Rey?” Ben half-entered the room. “Ready to go?”

She nodded quickly, trying to collect her things quickly and hide the photo, but it wasn’t of use, as it simply slipped from her hand to fall at his feet, causing Ben to frown. 

Her heart stopped in her chest and her breath in her throat just as he lowered himself, picking it up and analysing for a moment before looking up at her. 

“Patient?” he extended it to her. 

_Thank God._

“Yeah,” she picked it slowly. “She kind of found out about the baby with me, so… You know, she wanted to... show me.”

He nodded, and she shook the picture a bit before putting it in her purse, taking off her coat and pulling her coat off of her shoulder, and tensing when Ben stepped closer. 

“I can...” he pointed at her. “I can help.”

Rey nodded slowly and turned around, letting him slide the white fabric off her shoulder, carefully folding it and offering it back to her with the ‘Doctor Palpatine’ side up. 

She felt a shiver running over her spine when he placed a hand in the middle of her back as they walked through the corridor, and looked away when Kaydel raised an eyebrow in her direction from the nurse station. 

“Do you think we can have pizza today?” she asked, trying to lighten the air surrounding them. 

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	8. I can't fight your battles, but I sure can hold your hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You say, what if when my fears show up I'm too afraid to face them?  
> Well, I can't fight your battles but I sure can hold your hand and promise you  
> That the sky will still be up there and the sun will always shine  
> The stars will keep on falling for the ones who wish at night  
> The mountains won't start moving and the rivers won't run dry  
> The world will always be there and so will I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Rey paced on her feet uncomfortably as ever in front of her grandmother’s house. Grandma Sabé had moved along with her from England to the United States when she was accepted into Harvard, very excited to see her grandfather’s money being used for something useful. Rey had lived with her for a while until she moved in with Ben, and if there was someone who really hoped the two would become a couple, this someone was her. 

“Rey!” the tall old lady exclaimed when she opened the door. “I wasn’t expecting your visit. Come in, come in.”

Height ran on her mother’s side of the family. Even at her age, Sabé stood tall at almost the same height as her granddaughter, and just as slender. They looked very much alike, and everyone made sure to comment that, from hair, to smile, bone structure, height, and many other things. 

“Do you want some cake?”

“I’ll take crackers,” Rey asked her, instead. “I’ve… Uh… got something,” she explained. “To tell.”

Sabé raised a greying eyebrow but didn’t say anything, walking to the kitchen and coming back a couple of moments later with a plate full of bland crackers for her. 

“So,” she sat down in front of her. “What’s wrong?”

Rey hesitated, taking a couple of the biscuits and munching on them with her eyes moving to _anywhere_ but Sabé’s face. 

“Rey?” her grandmother said slowly. “What is wrong?”

Rey bit her lower lip. 

“Uh...“ she breathed in. “Do you remember Ben?”

She adjusted her posture, watching her granddaughter in silence just as the young doctor looked for words. 

“Ben Solo?” she questioned. “Yes, dear.”

She thought for what felt like an eternity and dropped her hands to her lap. 

“I got drunk, slept with him, and now I’m pregnant, and he doesn’t know,” she said, quickly and all at once. 

Sabé’s eyes widened and her eyebrows went right up in surprise before her face softened. 

“Rey…” she whispered. 

The word was enough to break her. In just a couple of seconds, Rey went from perfectly composed to a sobbing mess, and her grandmother was quick to put herself on her feet and pull her granddaughter into a hug. 

“Honey,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“And I don’t know what to do,” she cried into her dress. “I’m terrified. And I had to come here and talk to you, and mum died when giving birth to me, and I live with Ben! How am I going to tell him that I’m pregnant when he was so drunk that he doesn’t even remember we slept together?”

Sabé rubbed her back in circles, letting her granddaughter cry and finally - finally - release some of the feelings she’d been storing inside herself. 

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s okay, you’re going to be okay.”

It took Rey almost half an hour to recovery, and when she finally did, her grandmother sat her down by the kitchen table and pulled ingredients for rice pudding and quickly make some, offering her a spoon and letting her granddaughter lay on her lap as she put ‘ _Keeping up with the Kardashians’_ to play on the TV, and indulged in the simple comfort food. 

“When do you plan to tell him?” Sabé questioned. “You know you can’t hide this forever, right?

“Maybe when the baby is born?” Rey suggested. “And I’ve already moved out of the flat and found a job in another hospital, probably in a different city?”

The look her grandmother gave her made her swallow and look away. 

“I don’t know. I feel like if I tell him now, it'll be the worst possible moment. But then, the more I wait, the less time he’ll have to prepare for this.”

“That’s true,” she confirmed. “Rey, this baby is as much his as it is yours. Sure, he isn’t carrying her, but that’s his kid we’re talking about.”

“Her?”

“A guess,” grandma Sabé declared. “It’s my great-grandchild, I get to guess.”

She chuckled and sat up, reaching for her purse, pulling out the small picture from inside and offering to her grandmother. 

“Here,” she gave her a small smile. “That’s _them_.”

Sabé held the small print silently and smiled, quickly standing up and pulling a frame from inside a drawer before placing it on her wall. 

“Now,” she turned to him. “My first great-grandchild.”

“You speak like I’m gonna give you any more than that,” Rey chuckled. 

“Oh dear, it’s Ben Solo we’re talking about,” she turned to her. “I met his grandfather when I was young and studied with his grandmother, Padmé. The man was utterly gorgeous. And his father… Oh, boy, if he had a brother or uncle.”

Rey rolled her eyes. She knew her grandmother had a history with the Skywalkers - she’d been best friends with Ben’s maternal grandmother until her early death, and was even at his parent’s wedding - and was actually the one to introduce Rey and Ben when they were at Harvard. 

“Okay, grandma. I get it,” she rolled her eyes. “You really need a boyfriend.”

“Or a girlfriend,” she raised a hand. “You know I’m not one to make a difference between those.”

She laughed and sighed, taking another spoonful of rice pudding and raising her eyes to the older woman in front of her. 

“Do you think I’ll be a good mother?”

Sabé reached and grabbed her hand, offering Rey the smile so many people said they shared and squeezing her tightly. 

“I think you’ll be an amazing mother,” she affirmed firmly. “And I’ll be right here to help you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	9. Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you (and I'll stay there as long as you let me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes  
> They've seen things that you never quite say, but I hear  
> Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you  
> And I'll stay there as long as you let me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

The moment Rey stepped into the flat, she simply dropped everything from her hands and reached for the almond brittle Ben & Jerry’s she’d seen Ben recently store in their freezer just days earlier, and sighed in relief. Ice cream. At least ice cream wouldn’t judge her or force her to make choices.

“Rey?” she heard and raised her head to find Ben standing by the door frame.

He looked worried and worn out from his shift in the hospital. Ben was an oncologist and a surgeon, and from what she knew, he’d spent the last 20 hours in three different surgeries, and should probably be asleep right now. She had _hoped_ he’d be asleep right now, so she wouldn’t need to face him.

“Hey,” she muttered. “You’re home.”

“Yeah,” he lowered his eyes. “I visited my parents. Han said hi.”

Han and Leia, Ben’s parents, lived close to the hospital and actually owned part of it with his uncle Luke. The Skywalker-Solo bunch was a lovely trio of people who were always kind to her and were quick to adopt Rey and Sabé into their life when they moved to the United States, knowing the old woman was friends with Leia and Luke’s mother, Padmé. Leia, the living stereotype of the modern Jewish mother, was always trying to get Ben and Rey together, much to her son’s embarrassment.

“Are they well?” she asked.

She really liked Ben’s parents. They were good people.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Mum said she talked to your grandmother recently, they ran into each other on a shopping spree or something.”

Rey only nodded and Ben stepped closer to the kitchen, analysing her face.

“Is that ice cream?” he questioned, and she confirmed, giving him space to get a spoon and sit down, prompting her to sit by his side.

The two just continued in silence for a long moment until he finally said something.

“Are you okay?”

Rey frowned and turned to him, finding Ben frowning and intensely staring at her.

“Huh?”

“You’re not talking to me,” he muttered. “I mean… You’ve been kinda weird lately and… Did I do something wrong? Did I...”

She dropped her spoon, shaking her head.

“No, no,” she interrupted him. “You… You didn’t do anything.”

He waited, and she moved a hand to her hair, pushing it back and sighing.

“There’s just…a lot going on,” she decided. “And I don’t know how to deal with it and I get weird when I’m stressed about stuff, you know that.”

He nodded and put a full spoon of ice cream into his mouth, which dragged her eyes right to his plushy pink links. Dammit, if she could only kiss them once again and keep the memory, knowing _he would remember it._

“Do you want me to beat anyone up?” he asked softly.

Rey smiled. This was Ben, the guy who couldn’t talk much about his feelings and was sometimes anxious but cared for her anyway.

“No,” she decided, feeling her stomach flipping for a moment. “I’ll manage things with them eventually?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Too many people?”

“Sort of,” she sighed. “Two people.”

 _One and a half, maybe?_ _Does a baby count as a full person?_ \- She questioned herself.

“Is there any way I can help?”

Rey just shook her head.

“I don’t think so, Ben,” she confessed, unable to look into his eyes. “Not with this. It’s a mess I got myself into, so I have to get out alone too.”

He reached his hand out and touched hers, squeezing it gently in his warmth.

“I’m here if you need me,” he affirmed, staring into her eyes. “Please, know that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	10. I know it's wrong and I know it's right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

“ _You may not think I know the difference_ ,” Rey sang softly to herself, walking around the kitchen while trying to put the damn recipe from the family book together. “ _But I do, but I do, but I do._ ”

Sabé always said her mother sang to her every day since she found out she was pregnant, even on the run, because she was trying to soothe her from whatever was happening around them at the moment.

She was trying to eat healthier now because of the baby, and still hiding it from… well, everyone aside from Rose, Kaydel and her grandmother. And especially hiding it from Ben. It wasn’t hard. Her belly hadn’t popped out – according to Sabé, both herself and Rey’s mother had only started showing later in their pregnancies, around the middle to the end of the 2nd trimester, with her mother being able to conceal her pregnancy with clothing until the 7th month – and her symptoms had eased out.

“You’re singing?” Ben asked behind her, making her jump in surprise. “And cooking?”

Rey nodded, feeling her cheeks heating up, and Ben walked to her side, laying a large hand on her back and looking at the two pans she’d been taking care of.

“Smells great. Save me some?” he kissed her temple.

He stepped away before seeing her breathless reaction, and Rey frowned.

“I didn’t know you were going out,” she said, confused.

Ben put on his jacket.

“Poe convinced me to hit the bar,” he rolled his eyes. “Boys’ night, I guess? Now that the girls are coming over.”

She nodded slowly, and he put his hands in the pocket.

“Do you want me to get wine on my way back?”

“No, not really,” she shrugged. “I’m not drinking a lot lately.”

That made Ben frown.

“Rey… Is everything okay?” he questioned, and his eyes travelled right behind her, to the pill case. “What’s that you’re taking, is that medicine?”

She stepped right to the side before he could get close to it, hiding it behind her back.

“No,” she answered quickly. “No medicine.”

Ben’s frown only increased, and he stopped on his tracks, two steps away from her.

“Rey,” he said slowly. “You know what? What the fuck is wrong with you? What the hell is happening?”

She shrunk in her spot as he ran a hand over his hair.

“What is going on?” he repeated. “You said there’s a lot going on and you won’t tell me! I thought I was your friend but apparently years of friendship and living together mean nothing to you? You’re not going out with us any more, you seem to have a doctor appointment every single week and you’re taking basically half your usual shifts in the hospital, and Luke won’t tell me anything! And now you’re taking medicine and won’t even let me know what it is about!”

Rey stopped with her breath caught in her throat. She’d never seen Ben this nervous, not in years knowing him. His face and ears were red, and he was clearly breathless.

“Are you sick?”

She gritted her teeth for a moment and felt her shoulders sag.

“I found out about something, okay?” she said simply. “And I’m not gonna die from anything but it means that I’m changing my lifestyle and becoming a healthier person for my own good.”

He just continued to stare at her in confusion.

“You got high blood pressure or diabetes or something?”

She sighed.

“Kind of.”

Ben’s posture changed, and he looked at her with fear and despair in his eyes.

“Rey… Do you have cancer or a tumour?” he questioned. “Why didn’t you talk to me? I’m a good doctor, I can...”

“No, no,” she denied. “Ben, look… I’m okay. I promise. I’m okay. I’m just trying to be healthier, okay? I’m trying not to have take-out and taking vitamins and making my own dinner and not drinking and… I’m just trying to be healthier because of my family history.”

Ben averted his eyes from hers and Rey hugged herself.

“Don’t be mad at me, Ben,” she muttered. “I’m just trying to do better.”

He looked away for a moment and then took a breath, wrapping his arms around her and hugging Rey tightly.

“Fine,” he whispered. “Just… don’t hide important things from me, Rey. Please. You’re like family to me. I wouldn’t know what to do if something happened to you.”

“I won’t, “she muttered. “Don’t worry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	11. I could live and I could die hanging on the words you say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

“Tell me again why I let you convince me to do this?” Rey questioned.

She was at the gym.

At the fucking gym.

With Ben.

And a personal trainer.

Why the hell Rey decided that she wanted to go deeper into the ‘healthier’ wave, she wasn’t sure, but when Ben called her to work out with him, she said yes, because why not?

So here she was after thirty minutes of watching Ben Solo in a sleeveless shirt doing weights probably double his own body weight just a couple of steps away from her while waiting for his dear ‘friend’ and personal trainer to show up and find some good exercise for Rey as a beginner in the healthy aficionado world.

If this was a plot from whoever with the goal to make her finally tell him that she was pregnant, then it was working.

“Because you want to live a healthier lifestyle,” he explained. “Exercising is healthy. And you refused to go swimming.”

“I hate swimming,” she lied.

She didn’t hate swimming. When she was younger, her grandmother had invested in some swimming lessons for her, and she was quite good at it. However, swimming meant that Rey would be wearing a bathing suit, and it would leave nothing to the imagination when her baby bump started to come out. Also, she’d need to sign-up for classes designed for pregnant people, and she couldn’t risk letting Ben find out like that.

“So a gym is the best next option,” he explained and turned around when a fair man walked into the room. “Mitaka.”

So _this_ was Ben’s friend. Okay, good.

“Good morning.”

“Mitaka, this is Rey Palpatine,” he pointed at her. “Rey, this is Dopheld Mitaka.”

They shook hands. Mitaka was relatively tall – taller than her, but shorter than Ben – and black-haired, and had a quiet… thinking resting face. Like a resting bitch face, but like he was trying to remember something.

“Nice to meet you,” he shook her hand. “Can you tell me a bit more about yourself, your goals with this? Do you mean to lose weight, to gain muscle? Have you had any injuries in the past I should know about?”

“I’m going to fill my water bottle,” Ben affirmed, touching her back.

“Oh, do mine too, please,” she gave it to him.

He frowned.

“But it is full?”

Rey looked for a small answer for a moment.

“Well, it is full,” she said slowly. “But not cold enough.”

He stared at her for a moment and Rey offered him a timid smile, to which Ben chuckled.

“Fine.”

She watched as he walked away, and turned to Mitaka.

“I broke an ankle when I was a kid,” she informed him. “And I’m a gynaecologist, and need to be careful with my wrists, because...”

Finally, Ben left the training room, and Rey stared at the face of the man in front of her.

“Look, Mitaka,” she said quickly. “I need to tell you that I’m pregnant.”

“Oh,” he exclaimed. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” she nodded. “But here’s the deal, Ben doesn’t know and I don’t want him to find out any time soon, so I need you to keep that in mind when you choose whatever exercises for me to do, okay?”

The man stared at her for a moment and palmed his pockets for a moment, holding a small card out to her.

“Can I interest you in prenatal yoga?”

. . .

Rey bit her lip, rubbing her hands excitedly.

Every time someone mentioned pregnancy cravings she just didn’t really believe in it, but when she woke up at one in the morning craving rhubarb pie and it didn’t let her sleep, she finally understood what it actually meant. For a whole hour, she had twisted and turned in her bed before deciding to get up and go to a store she knew had the dish and was still open.

She had just taken a large spoonful and putting it in her mouth, chewing through the amazing taste when she heard steps behind her.

“Rey?” she heard and turned around to see Ben standing up at the door. “What are you doing up?”

He was in a sleep shirt – black, like most of the clothing he owned – and flannel trousers, and his hair looked a mess, and Rey just wanted to kiss him _so badly._

“Pie,” she muttered with her mouth still full and curling herself a bit, hiding herself, embarrassed.

She had started to notice little changes right when they got home from the workout session. First, her breasts were larger. Not a lot larger, but they were definitively escaping the sides of her sports bra, and her hips were wider now, which made her trousers tighter. And there some _pointiness_ to her stomach; not a bump, like she was used to seeing in pregnant women, but this wasn’t something she was used to.

“Where did you find a pie at this time?” he questioned, confused.

She shrugged, and Ben sat by her side, holding his own plate.

“Can I?”

Rey nodded and took another bite.

“What are _you_ doing up?”

“I heard you?” he cut himself a piece. “First I thought it was someone trying to invade, but why would a robber sit down and eat at our kitchen?”

She chuckled and stabbed his food slightly.

“So… You woke up in the middle of the night because of a pie?”

Again, Rey shrugged, and Ben raised her an eyebrow.

“You know... if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were pregnant.”

She tried not to show any signs of fear and forced herself to push his shoulder out playfully.

“Shut up,” she rolled her eyes. “I’ve been following this healthy freakiness for months now. I deserve this.”

“I never said you didn’t,” he laughed. “I could have made that for you earlier tonight. Then you wouldn’t have had to go out at two in the morning to buy it.”

“It was sudden,” she confessed. “I just… I just wanted some pie. And I wanted it now.”

Ben laughed and continued to eat his slice in silence, looking at Rey with the corner of his eyes from moment to moment, and took his plate to the dishwasher before stopping by her side.

“I’m going to bed,” he said slowly.

“Goodnight.”

Ben bent down slowly and kissed her temple, lingering there for a moment, and she held in a breath, relaxing a bit and turning to watch him just as he stepped away, feeling her heart beating fast inside her chest.

“Goodnight, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	12. Darling, So It Goes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we ignore that I posted the wrong chapter before this one? Yes? Thank you. 
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Sabé smiled over her cup of coffee at Luke’s joke. He reminded her a lot of Anakin, he always did. Where Leia was mostly all Padmé – except a few inches taller – he had the Skywalker looks from early on. It was a surprise that he’d never gotten married, being so dashing.

“I hope you’re going easy on Rey,” she changed the subject. “She’s too hard on herself, she has always been. If it was for her, she would be working twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, every week of the year.”

“Well, now she needs to care for herself and the baby,” he muttered. “I’m still shocked that she doesn’t want to tell anyone! Leia will be so upset that she didn’t get to know at least know from early on, she loves Rey so much.”

Sabé just sipped on her coffee. Her granddaughter’s choices were her own, and she respected them, but she couldn’t tell that she approved them. 

For obvious reasons, Rey had told the hospital – and Luke, as her direct superior, obviously – that she was pregnant and her due date, and they had reduced her shifts.

“But I understand,” he continued. “This is a big moment for future parents. Leia was always wearing her emotions on her sleeve when she was pregnant with Ben, it was… hard,” he chuckled. “How is the dad with the news? Excited?”

Her eyes went wide for a moment and her lips spread in a smile when no one other than Ben approached them.

“Sabé,” he walked to the two. “You didn’t say you were visiting the hospital.”

“Oh, Ben,” she stood up, quickly embracing the boy she’d seen growing up. “I didn’t want to impose. I’m just here for a little appointment with Rey. Just a routine check.”

He nodded and gave her a soft squeeze back. Ben had never met Padmé, as she’d passed away before he was born, but Sabé had been a grandmother figure for him, and Ben held her in a very dear position.

“Actually,” she checked her watch. “I’m almost late to it and I don’t want to take more of her time than necessary.”

“I’ll accompany you,” the young doctor offered.

They left the cafeteria with Sabé carrying her coat on her arm and momentarily unable to tear her eyes away from his face. Ben looked a lot like his father, from his stature and board shoulders to how his features, and for a moment she couldn’t help but wonder if Rey’s baby – _their_ baby – would be the same.

“Rey?” Ben frowned.

Sabé turned her face instantly, increasing her pace just as Ben ran through the corridor to help the young doctor.

Rey was leaning against the wall, covering her eyes and absolutely pale, and leant right onto Ben’s grip when he held her and helped her walk to one of the chairs, giving Sabé enough time to reach the two.

“What’s wrong?” she questioned.

His large fingers were already reaching for her neck, tilting her head to the side and feeling her pulse whilst looking at his wristwatch. How doctors did that, Sabé could never understand.

“I don’t know,” Rey said, still in a low voice. “I just… I don’t know, I got a bit dizzy and lost my vision for a moment. But I’m okay now.”

Ben, in turn, continued to frown.

“Your blood pressure spiked,” he declared. “You got a headache?”

“Real bad one,” she groaned.

“I have some Tylenol,” Sabé said. “In my purse.”

He nodded.

“I have water in the exam room,” Rey affirmed. “I was just coming to get you so we could go.”

“Are you sure?” he probed. “Don’t you need a break? This is very strange.”

“No,” she shook her head. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

Ben confirmed and stood up, though he didn’t leave.

“Can I at least walk you to the exam room?”

Sabé watched silently as Rey stood up and the three walked in silence to the exam room, entering and turning to watch the two when Ben held her granddaughter back momentarily.

“Do you need me to talk to Luke?” he said in a low mutter.

“No, it’s okay,” she assured him. “It’s almost the end of my shift anyway, I only have a couple of hours here before going home. Don’t worry.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “Just tell me when you’re ready to go, okay? I’ll be the one driving tonight.”

She didn’t protest or even said anything as he left, and Sabé stared at her for a moment in disbelief.

“Kid...” she said slowly.

“Grandma, please...”

“Are you honestly telling me that this is the man you’ve been hiding the baby from?” she continued, clearly confused. “You’re telling me that you do not see that Benjamin Organa Skywalker Solo is completely in love with you?”

“Well, ma’am, we’ve been telling her that since Harvard,” a known voice said, making the two women turn to the other side of the room, where Rose stood and Kaydel prepared the ultrasound machine.

Apparently, the two had been there since before they arrived.

“And Rey…” the blonde nurse said slowly. “Ben? Our Ben? That’s why you didn’t want to tell us!?”

Sabé turned to her granddaughter, who was already covering her face with her hands.

“And so the cat comes out of the bag,” she groaned. “Can we not talk about it?”

“As if,” Rose adjusted the bed. “Lay down, I’m determined to find out the sex of baby Solo today.”

To that, Rey closed her eyes.

“Can we please not call them that?”

Kaydel raised an eyebrow at her.

“Baby Palpatine, so be it.”

Rey cringed.

Truth be told, she always felt very conflicted about her surname. On one hand, it had come from her father, and she was very proud of him and the choices he’d made in life. On the other, it always reminded her of her cruel grandfather, and how he had been the reason her father – and probably her mother – had died prematurely.

“Fine,” she rubbed her temples. “Can I have that Tylenol now?”

Sabé reached silently in her bag for the medicine, offering it to her and watching silently as Rey took it.

“Headache?” Rose questioned.

“Migraines, I think,” she answered.

“She lost her vision for a moment in the corridor,” the older woman said quickly.

The frown on Rose’s forehead increased, and she turned to Kaydel just as Rey laid down and raised her shirt.

“Can you check her blood pressure?” she asked, and her nurse friend confirmed. 

“Did anyone in your family have any history of anything we should worry about?”

“I’m not sure,” Rey answered, turning to her grandmother, and Sabé stepped to her side.

“I can’t tell you about her father’s side, but both her mother and I had pre-eclampsia,” she affirmed.

Rose nodded, and Rey raised her arm for Kaydel silently. The whole room was in silence for a moment as the examination proceeded, and when the nurse stepped away, every woman in the room turned to her.

“Well?”

“140/90,” the nurse declared, clearly bothered. “We’ll need to check that again later.”

“We’re gonna need urine and blood samples,” her friend requested, laying gel on her small bump. “But the chances are very high, considering your family history.”

“On other news, I see someone’s stomach is not flat any more,” Kaydel noticed, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

Rey looked down, still admiring the small difference on her body.

“Nothing major, though,” she countered.

“I only started showing at my sixth month,” Sabé told the group. “You might that a while. But when you do, trust me, it’ll be impossible to hide.”

Rey sighed.

“Awesome,” she muttered under her breath.

They waited, and Rose rounded Rey’s belly silently with the wand, pressing buttons and buttons until she finally found the baby they’d been waiting to see.

“Oh, yes,” Rose whispered. “Hello again, sweetie, hello.”

The pregnant doctor watched in silence, amazed, and didn’t look away, even when her grandmother’s hand squeezed hers.

“Week 22… baby is the right size,” she said slowly. “Growing just fine…”

Rey let out a breath of relief. Even though she knew the size of the bump didn’t matter, she couldn’t help but worry about her baby being influenced by it and it being her fault.

“And what is this… Oh, yes, what a little show off… Just like I was hoping for,” Rose whispered. “Thank you so much, lovely.”

“You can see the sex?” Sabé jumped in.

Rose smiled, and Rey’s gaze couldn’t tear away from the screen.

“Yes, I can,” she answered, excitedly. “Do you want to know?”

“Yes,” the future mother said quickly. “Yes, please.”

“A girl,” her friend answered. “You’re having a baby girl.”

Rey’s eyes filled with tears before she could even take another breath. A girl. She was having a baby girl!

She was ready to say something when the door opened and closed, and someone stepped into the room, making everyone freeze in place.

“My flower, do you…”

Hux stopped on his tracks with wide eyes and his phone in hand.

“Rey?” he frowned. “Is that a baby?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	13. I'll be there for you (when the rain starts to pour. Like I've been there before.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

The four women stared at Hux with wide eyes, and Rey’s heart quickened. More and more about her pregnancy was out for more people, and she _really_ didn’t want it to reach Ben.

“Close the door, Huggies,” Kaydel all but barked. “We are trying to keep things under wraps here!”

He jumped, then closed the door, locking it behind himself.

“You are pregnant! How long have you been pregnant?” he questioned, clearly shocked. “This is… I’m confused.”

Rey sat up quickly.

“First of all, you can’t tell this to anyone,” she raised a hand, pointing it at his face. “I’ll fucking kill you if you do.”

He stared at her with wide eyes.

“The only people who know about this are in this room, honey,” Rose explained. “Rey doesn’t want to tell anyone yet.”

He looked at the four with his eyebrows high on his forehead, and slowly nodded.

“Of course,” he finally answered. “I won’t tell.”

“Not even Finn, Poe, or Ben,” Kaydel insisted.

“I’m not telling them,” he insisted.

Rose looked down at Rey, and then at her boyfriend again.

“Five months, the baby is a girl,” she finally answered. “Yes, it’s a lot. No, dad hasn’t been revealed yet.”

Hux nodded slowly along.

“And you’re invited to the _brit bat_ , of course,” Sabé added.

To that, Rey frowned, finally lying down again and raising her voice.

“I don’t even know if I will be making a _brit bat_ yet.”

Her grandmother turned to her, clearly surprised and a little bit determined.

“Don’t push your luck, young lady,” she raised a hand, not ready to lose the battle. “I’m already allowing you to hide that pregnancy from the baby’s father, I’m not going to let you skip something as important as this little girl’s _brit bat_!”

They stared at one another for a long moment, making the other three exchange looks. It was clear now the source of Rey’s stubbornness. Looking at Sabé was like looking at their own friend, years in the future.

“Fine,” she rolled her eyes. “Hux, you’re invited to the brit bat.”

He nodded, though still confused, and turned to Kaydel.

“And what would be a _brit bat_?”

His nurse friend just shrugged.

“It’s just like a christening, but for Jews.”

Sabé shook her head, ready to correct the nurse - a _brit bat_ was an important celebration who had a lot to do with gratitude, faith, feminism and the history of Jewish women - but in the end, she just sighed.

“I’ll explain it to you later.”

He nodded and Rose smiled largely, picking up the gel again and laying on Rey’s stomach once again.

“Come on,” she called. “Come see my god-daughter.”

Armitage crossed the room, stopping close to Kaydel but giving space for both Rey and Sabé, and watched the baby on the screen, surprised and a bit in awe. 

“It’s so…” he muttered. 

“Beautiful?” Connix suggested. 

“Strange,” he said slowly. “But… it has a shape. _She_ has a shape.”

Rey turned to him, practically outraged. 

“That’s my daughter you’re talking about!” she reminded her friend. “Be more respectful, or I won’t let her in your house.”

His eyes went wide and he raised his eyebrows. 

“I apologise,” he said quickly. “Are we happy? About the baby?”

“Yes, very much,” the expectant mother confirmed. “But scared to death.”

Sabé reached for her granddaughter and held her hand, squeezing it tightly. 

“We can work on that,” she decided. “Right?”

Rey nodded. 

“Yes, we can.”

It was later that afternoon - when she was alone checking some exams from her previous patients - that Rose knocked on her door with worried eyes, and she sighed. Another wave of good news, she ironically thought to herself. 

“It’s confirmed,” her friend offered her an envelope. 

“It’s official?” Rey joked. “The group mind has decided I’m pregnant?”

The joke with their favourite show didn’t make her friend laugh, which in turn made Rey frown. 

“What?”

“I got the results back from your blood and urine samples, and you have pre-eclampsia.”

She sighed. 

“Just like grandma and mum.”

Her friend confirmed. 

“Okay…” she sighed. “I can deal with that.”

Rose closed her eyes and moved a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose before walking to the door and locking it, sitting right back down in front of her friend. 

“Rey, right now, I’m your doctor and not your friend,” she declared. “And I’ll tell you something… Your mother had pre-eclampsia, your grandmother had it too, but this isn’t just about genetics. You are in an incredibly stressed position.”

Rey let out a breath, knowing what was going to come next. She didn’t need more scolding, but she knew this face on Rose. Her friend wasn’t up to any games right now. 

“You can’t keep working like this, and you can’t keep hiding this from Ben,” she was emphatic. “It’s not about just you anymore and you better accept that.”

Her eyes filled with tears, and she lowered them, trying to recompose herself as her friend continued to stare at her, as strong-willed as she’d seen her so many times before. 

“You’re on bed rest now, Rey. I want to see you in three days for another appointment, and then every week. I’ve already talked to Luke and you just have to talk to him tomorrow to settle everything, but you don’t need to come to work.”

Rey confirmed, sniffling a bit, and used a hand to rub her nose, just as Rose stood up and walked to her. 

“ _So no one told you life was gonna be this way_?” she asked in a whisper. 

“It hasn’t been my day, my week, my month… or even my year,” the pregnant doctor listed slowly. “My grandma warned me there’d be days like these.”

Slowly, Rose lowered down to her knees and held both her friend’s hands in hers. 

“But I bet she told you when the world has brought you down to your knees, I’ll be there for you.”

“When the rain starts to pour?” she questioned. 

“I’ll be there for you,” Rose confirmed. 

“Like you’ve been there before,” she noted. 

“Cause you’re there for me too.”

Rey chuckled as her friend kissed her hands kindly. 

“No one could ever know me,” she sang softly. “No one could ever see me, since you’re the only one who knows what it's like to be me...”

“Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with,” Rose completed. “Someone to always laugh with… I’m best with you.”

Rey raised her own hand to dry the tears on her face and sniffled. 

“I’ll be there for you,” Rose affirmed. “Remember that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I can have your attention, please read this petition dear to my heart: https://www.change.org/p/coletivasangra-gmailcom-gravidezaos10mata?signed=true
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	14. I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you (I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Said, "I'm fine", but it wasn't true  
> I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you  
> And I, snuck in through the garden gate  
> Every night that summer just to seal my fate  
> And I screamed, "For whatever it's worth"  
> "I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

“Rey?” Ben knocked on her door. “Are you ready?”

It had settled it on her, that she was actually having a baby, that time was ticking, and things were… well, complicated.

Tonight was Finn and Poe’s first wedding anniversary. Last year, in a group Vegas trip, their two friends had decided to simply drag them to a chapel and get married by a woman dressed as Cher. Rey, Rose, Kaydel, Ben,and Hux were the only people present, and they were all dressed up as characters from Galaxy Wars. It was very Finn and Poe, honestly. 

“Almost,” Rey choked out, struggling to fit her foot into her shoes. “I don’t know.”

Ben waited in silence for a moment, then she heard him leaning into the door. 

“Do you want help?”

She sighed. 

After tonight, she would tell him the truth. She would. She would sit down, and tell Ben she was going to be a father in three months. 

“Please,” she whined. 

Her door opened silently and stared at her for a moment, seeming surprised, before walking inside. 

“What is it?” he asked. 

She covered her face with her hands. 

“My shoe won’t fit,” she sighed.

He lowered himself without hesitation and picked up the pair of short heels. 

“Are those that pair you bought online?”

She nodded and he stepped back. 

“Yeah… Your feet don’t look like they’ll fit in these,” he raised one side of the pair and looked behind his shoulder before walking to the corner of the room and right back to her, showing her a pair of sandals. “These look good,” he offered. 

She tilted her head a bit. 

“Yeah,” Rey nodded. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

They arrived with the help of an Uber - Ben was going to drink, and ‘didn’t want to deprive her of having fun’ - and the two hosts were quick to welcome them, with Finn quickly wrapping her in a tight hug and kissing her temple. 

“We’re so happy you came,” he affirmed. “Rose said you were a bit sick, we were worried.”

Rey glanced at her friend on the other side of the room. 

Truth be told, her headache had been there for over three days, and she thought about missing the party, but this was Finn and Poe, and she didn’t want to miss the party. 

“I’ll just find myself a quieter place,” she rubbed his arm. “I couldn’t miss your party.”

Poe smiled at her and quickly kissed her cheek. 

“Get yourself a drink and some food. We have everything you like here.”

Ben turned to her with his hands in his pockets.

“Do you want a beer?” he offered. 

“Just water this time,” she gave him a weak smile. “I’ll get myself a Tylenol and a slice of pizza.”

He frowned, worried, but nodded, and Rey was quick to go to the balcony, quickly followed by Rose.

“Well?” her friend asked when they were alone. 

“I’ll tell him tonight,” she decided. “Everything.”

Her friend nodded and hugged Rey, smiling down at her. 

“You wanna dance? I got our favourite songs somewhere on the playlist.”

She nodded quickly. 

“Alright!” she confirmed. “Let me just eat a bit.”

Ben showed up after that with water and a slice of pepperoni pizza and a painkiller, and they just watched the city underneath together in silence. 

“Ben,” she called, finally, feeling her hands shaking. “You think we can talk later tonight?”

Her flatmate looked at her with a frown. The pink and blue lights from inside were reflecting on his face, and he was just… beautiful and peaceful. She didn’t know if she’d ever see him that peaceful again.

“Sure,” he confirmed. “What’s wrong?”

Rey bit her lip. 

“Nothing,” she lied. “It’s just something I wanna talk about. Not now, though. Let’s just have fun.”

And when her headache finally left her, she did. Everyone who was close to them in the hospital - and had their night off - was present, and even some people who weren’t _really_ \- like Bazine. Some of Finn and Poe’s neighbours had shown up, and she recognised some people from Harvard just as well. 

In no time, she was already dancing life away with Rose and Kaydel, and making teasing faces with the first at the latter when her girlfriend - Phasma, a very tall and very blond Orthopaedist who worked at the hospital with them - whisked her away, knowing she just wanted some privacy to kiss her girlfriend silly. 

For the first time in practically six months, Rey was having fun. Real fun, without weight on her shoulders. It was easy to pretend, right now, that things were going to stay like this forever: Happy, calm, with no baby to complicate things - she loved her daughter already, but she knew that the moment her existence was revealed, everything was going to change. 

And Ben… she didn’t want to lose Ben. She just didn’t. 

Her eyes searched for him among the people, and her body froze when her eyes finally found his figure along with Bazine, apparently very cosy against a bar she’d helped Finn pick at the antique store maybe ten months ago. 

She had no reason to be upset, not really. Ben wasn’t hers, he’d never been. He’d never expressed any interest in her, or put any effort in showing her that he found her attractive or considered her anything more than another friend. Still, it felt like a knife was cutting through her chest. She had no claim to him, but the tears filled her eyes anyway, and any happiness and lightness she was feeling just a second ago dissipated, and not even the fact that her favourite album was playing was enough to change that. Actually, it made it even worse. Why did Taylor Swift have to write so much about love?

 _Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes_ _  
__And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know_

She squeezed herself through the people in the living room, blurry-eyed and sniffing, feeling a bit nauseous on the way. What wouldn’t she give for a drink right now…

Rey’s hand travelled to her face, and she tried her best just to clean it without messing up with her makeup. She didn’t want to look like a mess at a party full of so many people. 

“Rey?” she heard over her shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

She closed her eyes instantly, practically feeling Ben’s gaze on her, heavy and worried, and oh, so caring. 

“I’m fine,” she answered quickly, turning to him. “Just… uh. I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

Ben stepped closer to her and ran a hand over her face, collecting a tear. 

_Said, "I'm fine", but it wasn't true_

“Rey… Please,” he whispered, sounding so desperate it broke all through her. “Don’t do that. _Please, don’t do that_.”

She sniffled, and sobbed, crying like a coward baby while he cradled her face. 

“ _I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you_ ,” she finally answered.

Ben’s eyes continued to stare at hers, liquidly brown, so deep she could drown and drown and drown inside them, and never come back. And she’d be so happy there.

“Then don’t,” he pleaded. “You can tell me, Rey, I promise you can.”

She swallowed down, knowing she looked pathetic. She could barely see Ben, her stomach was in knots, everything felt so weird, and he was just... _here._ So close, almost _too_ close. 

“I love you,” Rey declared. “Ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

 _He looks up, grinning like a devil_ , and his lips are on hers, and everything is so good, until it goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	15. And now I'm thinking "I can't live without you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Her head hurt. Ben’s lips had been so amazing, but all she could think about was that her head hurt, and very badly. 

“Ben?” she moaned out. 

What was going on? Where was she?

“Rose,” her friend whispered by her side. “Dammit, Rey. Why don’t you ever listen to me?”

She blinked several times, recognising the strange ceiling and the beeping of the machine right beside her. 

“No,” she whined. “What the hell did I do?”

What was going on? Where was she? What was happening?

Something cold touched her stomach, and someone held her shoulder back when a big twitch made her jump.

“It’s okay,” someone - she couldn’t recognise the voice - affirmed. “It’s okay, just wait. It’ll come around, doctor.”

“I can’t blink,” she muttered. 

She knew what this was, she had studied it in medical school. She just couldn’t remember the name of it. 

A loud sound interrupted her, and her heart raced. 

“Rose,” she called. “Rose!”

“It’s okay,” her friend moved close, enough that she was in her field of vision. “I’m just checking the baby while the paramedics are taking care of you. It’s okay, it’s okay.”

A seizure. She had had a seizure. Why would she have a seizure? 

“We are taking you to the hospital,” Rose continued. “The guys are right behind us, don’t worry.”

“Rose,” someone called. “Her blood pressure.”

“Fucking shit,” her friend cussed. 

Yes. Her blood pressure. But it wasn’t that bad. A 140/90 blood pressure wouldn’t kill anyone. 

“How high?” she called, trying to move herself to see it, but feeling like a full-grown elephant was holding her down. 

There was silence. 

“How high?” she insisted, trying to sound strong, but failing. 

“We’ll take care of everything, Rey, don’t worry.”

. . .

Ben stepped into the pedal with such a fury he _should_ have been worrying about the speed limit, but didn’t care a single fuck. He was in Finn’s car, cursing himself for leaving his own at home and taking an Uber. 

“Ben, for fuck’s sake, I don’t want a ticket!” Finn said by his side, holding himself to the seat. 

He was seated by his side on the passenger’s seat, with Hux dead silent on the back - Poe had stayed behind to get people out of the apartment - and the two passengers were almost left behind when Ben practically stole the keys to the Prius after calling Sabé. 

He didn’t even give his friend any attention, checking his sides before making the curve to enter the hospital’s street. Fortunately, the Dameron pair lived close to it, but the ride was still too long for him. 

All of those months of Rey acting strange and all of the mysterious medicine she was taking were flashing in his mind. Whatever health problem she was having, she hadn’t trusted him to tell him _for months,_ and to know that felt like a knife was cutting through his heart. She’d just said she loved him and kissed him! She had given him the kiss he’s been waiting for since he met her, and just a second later she had fallen into his arms in a violent seizure that was seriously the worst moment of his life.

‘I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?’ she had said, but the answer was no. It wasn’t the worst thing he had ever heard, but the best. It had taken him everything to remain calm and help her while her body _convulsed_ on the floor of the balcony and their friends called for an ambulance. 

Ben parked in Poe’s spot and jumped out of it, running to the reception and almost jumping into the balcony when he saw it was Beaumont behind it.

“Where’s Rey?” he asked, knowing he could provide the answer.

“She was already taken in,” he informed. “You know the procedures, Solo. You have to wait like anyone else.”

He covered his face with his hands. Procedures, procedures... fucking procedures. Ben almost yelled at his face that this was his family’s hospital. His grandfather founded it, his uncle ran it, and Ben himself owned a large percentage of it, and he could do whatever he wanted inside of it. He didn’t, though, after seeing Sabé walking into the place looking highly distressed, with Phasma and Kaydel right behind her.

“Ben,” she breathed out. “Where is she? Where is Rey?”

“They took her in,” he explained. “We can’t get in there, we’re not family.”

She nodded and made her way to Beaumont, quickly talking to him and presenting her ID before a woman from security walked her in through the corridors. 

“Do you have any news?” Kaydel questioned the tree of them. 

Finn was the one who answered, shaking his head with his arms crossed. 

“All we know is she’s in. Rose is the only one in there, and she’s not answering any calls.”

“She answered mine, but I think it was right when they got into the ambulance,” their nurse friend pushed her hair back. “She said Rey was having a hypertension crisis, that’s what caused her seizure.”

Hux’ turned to her with a frown that made his whole face contort. 

“Did she tell you the numbers?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I think Rey woke up in the middle of the conversation. But Rose said she was too close to a stroke and…” she hesitated and Ben frowned when he eyes fell on him. “Her condition was worrying.”

He gave her a confused look, and then Hux. 

He knew there was something they were hiding from him the moment Rose called an ambulance upon seeing Rey unconscious. In a normal circumstance, with so many doctors around, they would first analyse the situation and her state before rushing to the hospital. A seizure didn’t always mean need for immediate care unless the person had a pre-existing condition that called for it.

“Of course her condition is worrying,” he almost berated them. “We’re in a hospital and no one is talking to us about what’s wrong with her.”

What was even the point of being a doctor if they weren’t getting any information about someone they cared about in such a moment?

Kaydel’s phone rang, making everyone stand-up, and she gave the group a wide eye look before picking it up, turning the volume on and on speakers, so they could be a part of the call. 

“I’m changing into my scrubs,” Rose said, clearly on a rush. “The team managed to stabilise Rey’s blood pressure, but just after the second seizure, and we are still working on getting it into less worrying levels of _everything_ before anything else. Fortunately, the baby is okay so far, but we don’t know how long. No decrease in the fetal heartbeat, but she’s presenting some bleeding that might indicate that there’s something wrong with the placenta, and Mary is examining her right now to see if that’s happening or...”

Rose continued talking, but Ben wasn’t listening. 

Baby. She said _baby?_ As in Rey being pregnant. With a baby. 

Ben couldn’t contain himself, and his voice came out before he could even wait for their friend to finish explaining the situation. 

“What do you mean with _the baby_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	16. I didn't mean it, and you didn't see it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Ben was literally trembling as the team helped him with the PPE. 

Apparently, he was going to be a father. No, not apparently. He was absolutely going to be a father, and _right now_ . For the last six months, Rey had managed to hide her pregnancy from him and almost everyone else around them - though he didn’t quite understand _how_ yet: They lived together, worked together, and even rode to work together. How hadn’t he connected the dots when he saw things going wrong? 

He remembered the night they slept together vividly, from how her lips tasted to how beautiful her naked body looked riding him, and how warm and wet she felt. But then, he woke up in the morning to an empty and cold bed and no signs of more than a night of partying and drinking. He thought everything was a dream, just a wishful fantasy in the mind of a man deeply in love. 

Rose had backed out of performing the c-section: She was stressed, terrified by what might happen to Rey, and didn’t feel prepared at all for such a procedure. She was with Hux in the waiting room now, giving Ben the space and opportunity to accompany Sabé to the surgery. She was the one to explain everything to him, and comfort him about it while they waited to get into the operating room. 

“Rey,” he breathed out as soon as they were close, and she was already crying silently in her place when he sat on the stool by her head. 

“Ben, I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I was going to tell you today, I swear I was, I…”

He took her hand quickly, squeezing it tightly and kissing its back. 

“It’s okay,” he assured her. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it. We’re having a baby, Rey. That’s amazing.”

Ben knew better than to talk about it now. They’d have time in the future, they’d have all the time in the world to talk about it.

“Tell me about our baby,” he forced himself to smile, despite feeling like his heart was about to jump out of his throat in fear. “Sabé said we are having a girl.”

She nodded. 

“It’s a girl,” she repeated. “I wanted to name her Ophelia, like…”

“Like the play in the winter we met,” he nodded, remembering his trip to England when he was a teenager. “When your grandmother invited us to spend New Year with you two, I remember.”

He reached out and dried her tears.

“It’s such a beautiful name, Rey,” he affirmed. “Our baby girl, Ophelia.”

He glanced up at the monitor by her side. They had managed to stabilise her blood pressure, but it was still high. He couldn’t help but think of the future. If they got together, if they wanted another baby, he wouldn’t let her go through that again. 

“This is it, Rey,” Mary said, and he could see her continuing to cut her. “Your baby is coming.”

Ben looked over his shoulder, catching Poe at the opposite end of the room along with his team. The baby - Ophelia - would be taken right into the NICU, and he felt safe knowing his friend would be taking care of her, finally. 

He could see it, her being born and pulled from inside Rey, so tiny that he knew for sure she fit in a single one of his giant hands. They didn’t show her to them or even said anything, or maybe it was Ben who was too shocked to hear it. 

Sabé and Ben exchanged a look, and he just gave her a nod prompting her to follow the NICU team. 

“Ben,” Rey squeezed his hand. “I don’t want to be alone. Please, don’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t,” he said quickly, kissing her hand. “I’m here, sweetheart, I’m not going to leave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	17. I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Leia and Han were outside in the waiting room when Rey was placed in it, but Ben didn’t share more than a glance with them before entering with her, sitting right by her side and running his fingers through her hair gently. 

“I’m sorry, Ben,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry… I know you hate me right now, but, I...”

“It’s okay,” he kissed her hand - the one his free one was holding - gently. “I’m not mad, I promise.”

And that was true. He wasn’t mad at her - he could never be mad at her - but he was very upset. 

She sniffed, but tried to clean her tears away clumsily, though it was impossible. 

“What are we gonna do?” she sobbed.

Ben looked into her eyes. She was absolutely lost, he knew, and with reason. She had almost died, and their daughter had just been born and was already fighting for her life, and they had nothing figured out. Rey didn’t need him to be freaking out just as well, so he just remained as calm as possible. 

“We will turn one of the empty rooms into a nursery, use the time Ophelia is in the NICU to talk and work on our relationship,” he said slowly, trying to process everything. “I really think we should do counselling and therapy, together and alone.”

Rey squeezed his hand with her fingers, much weaker than he ever expected her grip to be. 

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “It was wrong for me to to hide this from you.”

Yes, it was. He was hurt from the fact that Rey couldn’t tell him she was pregnant and that she couldn’t tell him she was pregnant _with his baby_ \- he didn’t know which one was worse - but he knew well where that had come from, knowing how her past had scarred her deeply with fears and automatic reactions not everyone had to life. Things were also already in the past now, and couldn’t be changed, so they needed to deal with the consequences. 

Ben didn’t know how to feel, and didn’t want to keep digging into _that_ hole, not when nothing was coming out of it. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked. “Any pain or discomfort? Do you want me to call someone?”

Rey shook her head. 

“The epidural is helping,” she muttered, and yawned. “I’m just tired.”

Once again, he took her hand closer and kissed her knuckles gently. She had been bombarded with medication. One of them was probably taking effect. 

“You have to sleep.”

Rey’s hand moved to her stomach and Ben followed it with his eyes. It was surprising that she was so small and already six months pregnant by now, and he couldn’t help but wonder if given time she’d show more. The thought made his heart race and rush to Ophelia, but Rey’s voice brought him back. 

“I haven’t slept alone in a long time,” she whispered, so softly that he wondered if she knew he heard it. 

“Do you want me to lay with you?”

Her eyes flew to his, wide, but softened just as quick. 

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” he insisted, standing up. 

Rey moved to one of the corners of the small hospital bed, giving Ben space to lay, and he tried to ignore how fragile she looked in the robe they’d provided her and the equipments and IV attached to her. Carefully and trying his best not to disturb anything, he put himself by her side and put his hand right under her chest, avoiding her stomach, and Rey relaxed for what seemed to be the first time in forever. He pressed his nose onto her hair, taking in the smell of the perfume she wore for the party, still very much present. He let it out sink in. 

_‘I love you. Ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?’_

“Rey?” Ben called. 

“Yes?”

“It was the best thing I’ve ever heard,” he affirmed. “I love you too.”

She covered his hand with hers, and Ben relaxed. They could work on that later, they had time. 

He only left the room when he knew she was asleep, leaving a note saying he’d be back and exchanging a nod with Sabé before she replaced him inside. 

“Ben,” his mother exclaimed as soon as he approached her and Han. They’d been waiting for a while, Ben knew. “Sabé called us and said Rey had had a seizure and needed an emergency c-section! I didn’t even know she was pregnant. Is everything okay?”

Ben moved a hand to his face, feeling the emotions flooding his body, completely unable to speak. Finally, the whole weight took over him. If he had left without her… If Rey hadn’t gone to the party, she’d be dead now. Both she and his baby, whom she was carrying and who was now in the NICU.

“Son?” his father stepped closer to him. 

The sob that broke through him was sudden and so painful that Ben doubled over and was quickly caught by his father arms and soon engulfed by him and Leia. He cried like a child, broken and terrified and furious, for what felt like an eternity, cradled like a baby in his parents’ grasps. 

“She’s tiny,” he breathed out. “Dad, I think she fits in a single hand of mine.”

Leia looked into his eyes with a puzzled expression on her face, like she was trying to figure things out. 

“I’m a father,” he declared, the word completely alien in his lips while searching for his own father’s reassurance. “I have a daughter and I don’t know what do to. How do you… How did you… How can…”

Han put a hand on his shoulder, his face filled with comprehension, but empty of judgement. 

“Being a father starts with no having a single idea of what to do,” he assured him. “If you’re absolutely sure of what you’re doing, then you’re wrong.”

Ben tried to dry his own tears. 

“Then what?”

“Then you love her,” he said simply. “Both of them. And you make sure you show that love, and that’ll take care of both of them no matter what happen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	18. I know when I need it I can count on you (like 4, 3, 2, you'll be there)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to personally thank my friend Caroline who is a nurse and will probably never read this for helping me with the medical part of the NICU experience of the story, and reader Shawna for sharing her experience with me so I can write this as realistically as possible for you all.  
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Poe’s eyes were soft and cautious when they met Ben by the door of the NICU. He was the oldest of their friend group, already 41 when Ben and the others were still in their 30s - Kaydel wasn’t even 30 yet, she was just 28. His age, however, never showed except for his greying hair. Ben never saw Poe as a 41-year-old man, at least until right now. Right now, he had never looked so old and reliable. 

“Well?” he swallowed down. 

Poe closed his eyes, and Ben braced himself. 

“Please, tell me,” he insisted. “I need to know everything I can possibly know.”

His friend breathed in deep and slowly. 

“She’s what we call a micro-preemie,” he declared. “Because of her age, she’s on respiratory support. She’s 8 inches long and weighs a pound, 5 ounces.”

The weight of the whole world fell on his shoulders and Ben pushed his hair back with a hand. 

A pound. His daughter weighed _a pound_.

“Fuck,” he covered his eyes. 

“She’s viable, Ben,” Poe touched his shoulder. “I’m not going to lie and say the odds of survival are 100%, but they are high.”

He swallowed down, accepting the comfort. How would he even tell that to Rey?

“It’s a 66% to 80% chance,” he assured Ben. “It’s higher than 50%. Anything higher than 50% is good, remember?”

He nodded silently and rubbed his face, trying to clean away the tears on his cheeks. 

“What do we need to know?” he asked. “For Rey and Ophelia.”

Poe looked around and pointed at some seats a few feet away from them. 

“Come on, let’s sit,” he instructed him. “I’ll explain what you need to know and you can ask me questions.”

* * *

Ben was at the cafeteria when Rose approached him, clearly hesitant when as she sat by his side. He’d spent almost an hour talking to Poe, asking questions and taking every bit of information he could possibly absorb and later pass to Rey on what to expect when they visit Ophelia - something he had agreed on doing for the first time with her by his side - and more. 

He was calmer now, more rational. Yes, he was hurt and afraid, but his daughter needed him and Rey needed him, and he was going to do his best to support and help them. 

“I thought you might like some coffee,” Rose said slowly, offering him a steaming cup. “It has been quite a day.”

Ben sighed, tapping against the table with his fingertips. 

“You tell me,” he frowned. “I became a father after only knowing I was about to become a father for 3 minutes. The love of my life said she loved me and then almost died. I had to watch my being taken to the NICU and I haven’t even seen her yet.”

She reached out and covered his hand with hers. 

“I’m sorry, Ben,” Rose lamented. “I wanted to tell you, I told her she could talk to you and you would understand, but you know Rey. You know her better than almost anyone, if we have to be honest.”

He nodded. Indeed, he knew Rey. 

“Do you have a name yet?”

The question brought a small smile to his lips. 

“We have,” he confirmed. “Ophelia. Ophelia Andierre Solo, I filled the paperwork myself.”

His friend smiled kindly, though she was still looking at him strangely, which just left him confused. 

“She’s a little fighter,” she affirmed, finally. “She’s got quite the genes, and the name.”

“I know,” he nodded. “And Poe is taking care of her. I trust his hands.”

Rose confirmed. Poe was the best neonatologist they had ever met, he was the best Ophelia could expect. 

“Do you need me to get anything from your flat?”

Ben shook his head.

“No,” he denied. “My parents are already there. But I need some stuff for the baby and I don’t want to have to leave.”

He patted the pockets of his jeans and the jacket his father had let him borrow before pulling out the list of items he’d received, with some bottom notes just as well. 

“The essential ones are underlined, I can take care of the others when things are less… messy,” he affirmed. “I’ll just get some money from the ATM and…”

Before he could continue, Rose moved forward and pulled the list out of his hands. 

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll have it here as soon as possible.”

He couldn’t help but smile a bit. It was nice to have friends he could count on. 

“Just so you know,” she raised a finger. “I called dibs on godmother, so don’t go offering the position to anyone else.”

Ben chuckled. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he confirmed. “Thank you, Rose.”

“You’re welcome, Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to personally thank my friend Caroline who is a nurse and will probably never read this for helping me with the medical part of the NICU experience of the story, and reader Shawna for sharing her experience with me so I can write this as realistically as possible for you all.  
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	19. I'll always be there, as frightened as you, to help us survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to personally thank my friend Caroline who is a nurse and will probably never read this for helping me with the medical part of the NICU experience of the story, and reader Shawna for sharing her experience with me so I can write this as realistically as possible for you all.  
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

### Ben opened his eyes with a frown, turning to look for what sound had wakened him up. Sabé had left, and he had been the one to spend the night at Rey’s side. She was still sleeping when he came back, probably exhausted from the day, and he quickly found himself to be in the same boat, sitting down and falling asleep almost instantly. 

### “It’s just me,” Kaydel affirmed. “Rey is due for her check.”

Ben rubbed his eyes, yawning and uncrossing his arms, pushing back the hospital blanket over his body.

“Morning,” Rey turned to him.

He stood up, trying to fix himself a bit, and rubbed his eyes. 

“How is her blood pressure?” he questioned, walking to them. 

In cases of high blood pressure during pregnancy, the problem disappeared after the birth, but Ben had been so busy when everything happening that he had forgotten to check for that.

“Perfect numbers for the day,” their friend smiled. “Everything is going how we planned.”

Ben grinned largely, relaxing, though Rey only had a small smile on her face.

“Your folks left a backpack for you,” Kay pointed beside the chair he had been. “The bathroom is fully functional. I can wait a bit for you to come back.” 

He nodded, stretching a bit and looking at Rey, who was just watching him. 

“I’ll be okay. You can go,” she assured him. “Kaydel will keep me company.”

He strode into the bathroom, and took what was probably the quickest shower of his life, just cleaning himself superficially and brushing his teeth, working his fingers through his hair, so he could just get back to her faster. Kaydel was sat on the bed when he stepped out, holding Rey’s hand while she dried a tear, and he felt his heart constricting inside his chest. 

“I have to go now,” his nurse friend stood up. “We can talk more later.”

Rey nodded, and just looked at Ben with the corner of her eyes when he approached her. 

“What’s wrong?” he questioned. “Is anything wrong with Ophelia?”

She sniffed and shook her head, and he sat on the mattress by her side. 

“Rey, what’s wrong?”

“Go on,” she put on a brave face, finally looking at him. “Berate. Curse me. Do everything you wanted to do yesterday but didn’t because you thought I was about to die.”

He closed his eyes. He wasn’t sure what hurt the most, that she was expecting a blow or that she thought it was going to come from _him._

Ben finally realised, though, that this was what everyone was expecting of him: an explosion. When he met Finn and Hux to update them, both were clearly bracing themselves for something he didn’t understand then, but did now. And, alright, maybe he had anger issues when he was growing up, but the years of therapy has absolutely helped him. He wasn’t going to just break the windows with punches or toss his phone on the wall like he used to do. 

“Rey,” he reached out, taking her hand in his, literally dwarfing it with his monstrous size. “I told you yesterday and I’ll tell you today. I’m not going to curse you or scream at you. I’m not leaving and I’m not going to turn into a monster.”

She shook her head with indignation, her cheeks wet with tears and her voice clearly affected by her distress.

“Well, you should!” she declared. “I fucked up and ruined everything. My daughter... _our_ daughter is in the NICU and might die and it is all my fault.”

Ben shook his head. 

“It is not your fault!” he exclaimed. “It is no one’s fault. No one could have predicted that you’d have eclampsia Rey, no one could have predicted that Ophelia would be born preterm, those things are out of our control and are out of _your_ control. I’ve lived with you for years now, and the last six months have been the healthiest ones of your life! You had a balanced diet, you took vitamins, you cut your shifts in half, you exercised three times a week, and you went to every doctor appointment to make sure our baby was well and healthy!” he listed. “This is not your fault!”

Rey didn’t look satisfied. If so, she looked more outraged than anything else. 

“I hid the pregnancy from you!” she affirmed, emphatic. “I hid it from you that you were going to be a father. You’re supposed to hate me.”

“No, I’m not!” he answered. “I’m sad, yes. I might not trust you like I did for the last eternity of my life, but I love you and I know you, Rey, and I know exactly why you hid everything from me and why you’re so dead set on making me admit that I’ll walk away.”

Her face hardened, but he didn’t stop. 

“I know you spent half of your life thinking everyone left you, and now you think that just because we have one problem I’m going to turn around and leave you,” he affirmed. “But guess what? You’ve known me for over fifteen years, Rey. Do you want to know how long I’ve been in love with you?”

No answer. Instead, her eyes continued to bore into his. 

“Since the moment I laid my eyes on you,” he said simply. “And I might be hurt, but I know your reasons, and I don’t want to lose what we have or what we can have here because of one thing we can’t change.”

Rey’s shoulders relaxed and dropped, and Ben reached out, touching her face. 

“I love you,” he declared. “And I know we can be happy together once we’ve left this mess, once we are home with our baby and working on what needs to be worked. It’ll take a while for me to trust you, but I’m open to trying. But for that I need you to be open to let me.”

A knock on the door made him stop and both their attentions moved to where it opened slowly. 

“Excuse me?” a known voice called. “Can I come in?”

Ben frowned. Dr Holdo?

“Is that okay?” he asked. “She’s my former therapist.”

Rey’s face moved from confusion to comprehension, and she nodded silently, pulling the hospital blanket up to cover herself up. 

“Come in,” he called. 

Ben had had a some hard times during childhood. When he was growing up, Leia was running as senator and Han was a professional actor, and their marriage wasn’t exactly the most stable, which often reflected on him. He was a lonely boy, with no friends and who usually spent days on end in an empty house, seeing his parents only during the weekends. When everything became easier, he wasn’t used to it and continued with the same behaviour and coping mechanisms that sometimes were harmful for him and his relationships, which was why his parents had sent him to therapy, and it helped him - a lot. He was Holdo’s patient for years, up until the not very distant past. When he thought of someone he and Rey could start seeing, last night, Amilyn was the one who’d come to his mind instantly, but he hadn’t called her, which meant he was very confused right now. 

“Hello, Ben,” she offered him a hand to shake, then turned to Rey. “And you must be Doctor Palpatine.”

“Yes.”

“I’m Doctor Amilyn Holdo, I’m Ben’s former therapist. I’m specialised in child and family therapy, but I also work on conventional talk therapy,” she explained herself. “I’m here today because Han has called me about what is going on at this moment with you, he thought it’d be good for the two of you to talk to someone. Especially you, Rey.”

He looked at her, and found Rey to be a bit more relaxed on the bed. 

“Yes,” she answered, nodding. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Holdo confirmed gently and turned to him. 

“What about you, Ben?”

He swallowed down. 

“It’s good, yes,” he confirmed. “We could benefit from some professional help, alone and together.”

His therapist looked for a seat and crossed her legs, indicating for Ben to sit down just as well and offering them a gentle smile as soon as he did so. 

“Do you think we can start by how you two first met?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to personally thank my friend Caroline who is a nurse and will probably never read this for helping me with the medical part of the NICU experience of the story, and reader Shawna for sharing her experience with me so I can write this as realistically as possible for you all.  
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	20. I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reylo manip by my sweet friend Lauren. Find her on Twitter at [@laurenthereylo](https://twitter.com/laurenthereylo). Thank you for letting me use it, love. 
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Ben walked careful steps while supporting Rey’s weight on his arms. The doctors had finally allowed her to get out of her room, and they were finally - _finally_ \- going to see Ophelia. Their daughter was now stable enough that they would be able to have some skin-to-skin time with her. 

Health insurance had guaranteed their girl had her own private room, and Ben had gone out of his way to assure Hannah was her primary care nurse, as the very best and closest friend they had in the NICU aside from Poe, and having them around had both him and Rey feeling much more at ease. 

They had decided, along with Holdo, that Rey should be the first to hold Ophelia, seeing as Ben could visit their daughter any time, but the doctors were still keeping a close eye on her, and would still be doing so for at least a week. 

His heart ached when they reached the NICU room and found his daughter in her incubator, surrounded by machines, many of which he couldn’t recognise, even after his research. What surprised him, though, was that the room wasn’t the bland sterile place he imagined it’d be. Instead, it was decorated all over with things he was sure the hospital didn’t provide, and he hadn’t brought either. 

“We thought you guys would feel a bit better if we made the place look more like a home,” Poe said behind him. “I hope we succeeded.”

Ben moved a hand to his face, holding back his tears. The night stand beside Ophelia’s incubator was decorated with the very first photo Ben remembered taking with Rey - right in front of the sign for the Ophelia play, with Rey pointing at it and an awkward and bony version of Ben looking at her with the most obvious heart eyes. Along with it was a photo of them, his parents and her grandmother at her high school graduation, and another of their whole friend group at Finn and Poe’s Vegas wedding. A teddy bear was rested right beside the incubator and a cloth with Ophelia’s name embroidered in it was tied to it. 

Rey sat down, and he saw that the two armchairs, usually lacking pillows, had two sets of them and very comfortable looking blankets. Right above the incubator, his daughter’s full name was written on a nameplate and a baby book. 

“Everyone contributed a bit to the room,” Poe explained. “There’s a food delivery service set up for the time Rey is staying under observation so that Ben won’t starve to death. There are also some books you can read to Ophelia when you’re here. The babies love their parents reading for them.”

He pointed at a corner, making Ben finally noticed said books, before continuing. 

“We also found a Preemie Baby Book. It’s made for micro-preemies like her, and you guys can record important steps that regular books won’t include,” he exclaimed. “Everyone who chimed in the room thing also ended up leaving a message on it, I hope you guys don’t mind.”

Ben heard a sniff and moved his eyes away from Poe, finding Rey openly crying, and instantly move to comfort her.

“Poe…” she stammered. 

“We wanted to make your time here as comfortable as possible,” their friend declared, moving a hand to rub on the corner of his eyes, drying a tear Ben pretended not to see. “Everyone in the hospital is sending positive energy, prayers, and blessings for you. We want everything to go well.”

Rey moved her hand to a hand to find support on Ben, and he quickly helped her stand up. Not a moment later, she was hugging Poe tightly and crying into his coat while he rubbed circles on her back. 

“Thank you,” she whimpered. 

“We’re right here for when you need us,” he affirmed, squeezing her back. “To talk, or cover anything… We will help with anything you need.”

The door opened and all three looked at its direction, from where Jannah walked in with a tentative smile. 

“I hope you liked the surprise.”

“We love it,” Rey sniffed, stepping away from Poe, and Ben was quick to help her when she moved to sit down onto the armchair again. 

“Thank you,” he looked at the nurse. “We’re very grateful.”

She smiled, and he sat down with expectant eyes, reaching out to hold Rey’s hand and relaxing when she squeezed his fingers in a tentative of comforting him. 

“Now, you’ll stay with her for 30 minutes,” Jannah explained. “We’ll give you privacy, but I’ll be ready to intervene at anytime to help you if you need anything, and we’ll make everything as comfortable as possible, okay?”

They both nodded slowly, and Rey untied her robe just as Ben unfolded the blanket that’d be over her. 

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked hesitantly. “Or… turn around?”

She looked up at him with a frown, making silence for a moment - thinking - but shook her head just as Jannah and Poe worked around Ophelia.

“It’s okay.”

She pushed her robe away and Ben looked away from her chest, giving her at least this bit of privacy, and he held his breath while his daughter was positioned on her mother’s chest. She was tiny, all red and covered with fine hair. Her eyes were closed shut - probably fused, according to Poe - and she was hooked in many wires from respiratory support to a pair of IVs, and some other stuff he didn’t even understand. 

Neither he nor Rey said anything; Poe had explained to him that at her age, her hearing was developed and it could be quite overwhelming to have someone speaking so close to her; she wasn’t in the uterus any more, it could be too much. 

His heart ached just as the thought crossed his head. He hadn’t had the chance of seeing his daughter in Rey’s belly, to see and feel her looming presence becoming a heartbeat, then an ultrasound, a bump, and long nights of kicking. Had he had the opportunity, he would have done everything possible to keep Rey and their baby happy. He would have held her hair back, massaged her feet, and driven her to every single appointment. He would have done it right. But he couldn’t, and there was no way of changing the past now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reylo manip by my sweet friend Lauren. Find her on Twitter at [@laurenthereylo](https://twitter.com/laurenthereylo). Thank you for letting me use it, love. 
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	21. I know you're scared (That's part of it all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I've been experiencing some health issues lately that have made it difficult to concentrate on writing. This week, I went through a procedure and removed a small tumor along with material for a biopsy, and the symptoms and mental stress of everything are just too much for me. I'm taking some days off and that means I won't update the story for the next week or two. I hope everyone understands it. I'm still in Tumblr and Twitter doing other things, though, so you can still find me there. 
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

“You’re cooking something up,” Han declared. 

Ben turn to look at his father with a frown, confused. Rey was leaving the hospital in the morning, and - after a lot of consideration and a session with Holdo - they agreed that she would be going back home, to their flat, with Ben, and not to Sabé’s house. It had always been like this for them - they’d known one another for over half of their lives and lived together since they were fresh out of high school - and he never expected it to change. But he also never expected what was happening to them to happen, so what could he say? 

“I’m thinking,” he confessed. 

“About Rey.”

He didn’t even have to add that part. She was the only thing in his mind in this last 10 days. Damn, she was the only thing in his mind since they met at 15!

They were in his car, on the way to the grocery store. Since Rey had been admitted into the hospital, their flat had been very neglected, and that included their pantry. So, while Finn and Hux finished cleaning it up like they’d offered to do, he and his father were on their way to get groceries.

“Yes.”

Han confirmed with a hum, and waited, raising his eyebrows when his son said nothing. 

“How do you even know?” Ben asked, moving away from the subject. 

“I’m your father,” he pointed out the obvious. “I know you with the back of my hand, boy. You’re a thinker, just like your mother. But she is a good thinker, the kind that thinks and does something with it.”

“And I’m a bad thinker?”

“No,” Han rolled his eyes. “Well, yes. In a sense. Leia does things when she thinks, you know her. You get inside your head. Your thoughts have thoughts, and your thoughts’ thoughts have thoughts, and you get into an infinite loop where you consider and reconsider everything that you can possibly reconsider, and when you finally do something, it’s usual the thing that is safe.”

Well, now he was a little bit offended. 

“Safety is important!”

“But it is not the only important thing in life!” he insisted. “You’ve been in this game of ‘loves me, loves me not’ with Rey for almost 20 years and playing safe has clearly led you to a very complicated and not safe at all situation.”

Ben deflated. He would like to say something back, but - as much as he hated admitting that - his father was right. Rey had her fault, but had he _moved_ and done something at some point, they wouldn’t be facing this right now. 

“Well, what do expect me to do?” he parked the car, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaving it, already with his father on his heels by the time they were two steps away. “Put all of my fears aside, go to her hospital room, confess my undying love for her and say that, ‘yes, I do want us to be a real couple, and that we can forget everything else that happened before that very moment’?”

“Yes!” Han exclaimed, stopping in his tracks. “That’s exactly where you start. You even have a couple’s therapist and a kid together already, next thing you know, you’ll be celebrating your 25th anniversary.”

He rubbed his face. 

“What if she doesn’t want anything to do with me?” he asked, finally. “Dad, she hid her pregnancy from me for six months. That’s half a year.”

Han shrugged like it wasn’t something to worry about. 

“Well, then she doesn’t want anything,” he said simply. “And you’ll be able to finally allow yourself to move on from her. Also, you two still haven’t talked about that.”

Ben pulled a card from the lined up bunch and pushed himself to the first isle, covering his face for a moment. 

“We haven’t had the time,” he finally answered. “I just… I don’t know if I can just take the rejection, okay?”

He stopped in the middle of the way, and breathed in deeply. 

“I’m upset she lied,” he affirmed. “I’m _very_ upset she lied. I’m _pissed_ she lied and if she was anyone else I’d leave her and I wouldn’t let her back into my life, ever. But I love Rey and I can’t remember any moment since I met her that I didn’t love her. So, judge me all you like, but I don’t know what to do if she says she doesn’t feel the same about me.”

He continued to walk and took a long breath, rubbing his eyes and looking down at the shopping list he had brought with himself, and only turned to look at his father when he caught up with his steps and forced him to stop. 

“Ben,” he put his hands on his son’s shoulders. “I’m going to tell you something I think is the most honest thing I’ve ever told you.”

Ben frowned. 

“More honest than when you gave me the sex talk?”

 _That_ was quite an honest talk. Traumatising too. 

“More honest than when I gave you the sex talk,” he confirmed. 

He waited, and his father stared into his eyes. He always said Ben had ancient eyes, and Ben always thought his father had simple, boyish eyes. Right now, though, he could see ever single one of his 66 years looking back at him. 

“Until you were 15, I kind of always competed with your mother for who loved you the most, her or me. You two had this… Thing, I don’t know what to call it,” he explained. “You two are very similar, two brainy people, with your books and fancy films, and museum trips, and… We never had that, me and you. That’s why I always tried to find things for us to do together. I mean, I taught you how to drive at 11 just so we had something to do together. If that’s not a sign of my desperation, I don’t know what is.”

He chuckled. In his father’s defence, though, he was just as tall a short adult man by that time, he fit the car quite well.

“And then we met Rey that December and I knew we had both lost forever,” his lips spread in a smile. “That night Rey only had a crush on you, but we both knew she’d love you one day. And she does.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I see that when she looks at you,” he insisted. “Every time she looks at you, it’s like you’re the goddamn moon.”

Ben didn’t answer, and his father continued to simply stare at him. 

“Talk to her, son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	22. This won't go back to normal (if it ever was)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Ben walked into Rey’s hospital room hesitantly, with his father’s words echoing in his mind. He was going to talk to Rey and maybe they’d finally settle into… whatever the fuck they’d be settling into. But his plan was for them to settle into something. 

When he closed the door behind himself and their eyes met, though, he stopped. Whatever he had to say to her and hadn’t been said could wait until later. Now was the time for something else. 

“Rey,” he called. 

She was sat on the bed, already free of the IV and practically ready to leave the hospital. She was still not out of the risky zone, but medication had stabilised her situation and Ben was more than qualified to keep monitoring her at home with the help of their friends. 

“Ben.”

He could see some things a bit more clean now that he was looking at her. She had indeed, gained weigh, and her ankle, feet and fingers were swollen from the fluid retention; he wondered how he hadn’t noticed that before - and if he recalled it correctly, water retention was going to get worse before getting better. But she looked healthier too, less pale and less worried. 

“Why did you leave?” 

This wasn’t the first ting he wanted to say to her at first. He was going to tell her about his feelings over what she’d done, how he thought this had been quite a lot to just bounce back from easily, but he was willing to try, though they’d need to make some changes to their arrangement in order for it to work. But that was not what they needed to talk about, not right now. 

“What do you mean?” she asked. 

“The night we slept together, six months ago, I remember falling asleep with laughing about you nearly suffocating me when I tried to eat you out after I came too quickly inside of you,” he explained, and she blushed, embarrassed. It would be adorable in any other situation. “When I woke up, I was alone. Why did you leave.”

There was a moment of silence, and she took a deep breath. 

“I didn’t want to deal with the aftermath,” she finally said. 

Their talk with Holdo had come with many instructions. To try to be as honest as possible was the biggest of them. How not sound condescending was another, too.  _ Strive to make the other one feel valid. _

“If I waited to see your reaction in the morning, I would need to face the possibility of being rejected,” she added. “I didn’t want that.”

Ben crossed his arms, seeing how she  _ wanted  _ to clam up, how she wanted to just stop and leave the conversation. But they couldn’t afford that, not now.

“Did you think about I would feel waking up alone?” he asked. “About how I felt seeing that you were gone?”

“Ben…” she tried. “I…” 

Then, she stopped, and lowered her head. 

“It’s a genuine question,” he added. “You avoided being rejected by rejecting me first.”

“I thought you wouldn’t remember,” she said simply. “Which was irresponsible and messed up.”

He nodded. 

“A lot, yes.”

Rey put a hand over her face for a moment and sat back on the bed. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, point-blank. “I shouldn’t have done that and you have every right tot be upset with me.”

She was right, he did, but the apology or the talk didn’t make him feel any better. 

“When did you find out you were pregnant?” he moved on. “Was it early?”

Rey shook her head, making her hair moved over her shoulder, drier than its usual without her daily care. 

“It took me a while, I was… I was in deep denial of the pregnancy, to be completely honest. I didn’t want to be pregnant, I didn’t want to have to face you and explain everything, I didn’t know what I was going to do…”

He adjusted on his spot. 

“When did you find out?”

Rey stopped, trying to think. 

“At about 13 weeks.”

Ben took a deep breath, biting his lower lip down and rubbing his face with his right hand. 

Ophelia was born at around 24 weeks. So aside from having 13 weeks to turn to Ben and say that they had slept together, she also hid from him that he was going to be a father for 11 weeks, give it a week and it’d be three whole months. So maybe they wouldn’t be a couple, or  _ know _ what to do immediately, and their daughter would still be where they were today, but Ben would certainly be more prepared than now, and not  _ this  _ lost. 

“That was three months ago,” he pointed out. “You had three months to tell me.”

She nodded slowly. 

“I did.”

Ben sat back onto the armchair and tapped with his foot on the floor several times and stood up, pushing his hair back while pacing around the room. 

“That’s what I don’t get,” he stopped, looking at her. “We’ve known one another for years. Before we met… Hux, or Poe, Finn, Rose, Kaydel… Anyone. It was us, me and you. But then all of that happens, and you get pregnant and you  _ don’t tell me. _ ”

She didn’t say anything; she didn’t even move, to be honest, and just took it. 

“Were you going to hide forever?” he asked. “When your bump showed, when the baby was born…”

“No,” she shook her head. “I was going to tell you when we came home from the party.”

He turned to Rey with a confused look. She was waiting that long  _ purposefully _ ?

“I planned to tell you every week,” she corrected herself. “Ask Rose, she knew that. But I backed up, and the party was a deadline to myself. We’d have three months to figure everything out and would be having this conversation in the flat, not in a hospital.”

Ben chewed on his lower lip, trying to remember Holdo’s instructions to them. It was hard, remaining calm. He was a very angry kid and a bit of a problematic teen before he even met Rey, and his first instincts were  _ still  _ yelling and pointing fingers, but he couldn’t do that now - it wouldn’t be any helpful, honestly.  _ Ask questions, don’t make assumptions,  _ Amilyn had said _. _ They were bound to have many more of those conversations now, it was best to keep check of it. 

“And why did you do all of that?” he asked, finally. “Leaving, trying to ignore it, then pushing and pushing telling me that I’m going to be a father… What is behind all of that? Why did you do it?”

Rey’s face softened and her shoulders sagged, and she opened and closed her mouth before closing her eyes and looking utterly defeated. 

“I didn’t want to lose you,” she declared, crossing her arms and looking away. “And I took the worst measures I could have ever taken. I don’t have any justification for that.”

Ben frowned, turning to her with an expression of disbelief. 

“What were you even afraid of?” he asked, too surprised. “That I would get up and leave? That I would kick you out of our home?”

Was  _ that  _ what she thought of him?

He was met with silence, and his face only hardened. 

“Rey!”

“It’s automatic, okay?” she stood up, squeezing her hands in fists. “It’s not like I can control what I’m afraid of!” 

He shut himself up. She was right, he couldn’t blame her for that. Only Rey truly knew how much her abandonment issues affected her life, but he could see a lot of it from afar, just as well as Sabé. 

They continued in silence for a long time until Ben spoke, finally. 

“We need to work on that,” he pointed out, crossing his arms again. 

“We do,” Rey agreed.

The two just made more silence, and he wondered if Rey was just going to let it set before her voice cut through it again. 

“Ben…” she called. “I’m really sorry for what I did. It wasn’t my intention to have them reaching  _ this  _ level of messed up.”

“I know,” he assured her.

“I just wanted things to keep being  _ normal _ for us!” Rey insisted. “Is that too much to ask?”

Ben chuckled, shaking his head. 

“Was anything ever normal between us, Rey?” 

She didn’t answer, and he didn’t either. That was enough of an answer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	23. Right before your eyes (Just you and me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Leaving the hospital... There wasn’t a way of saying it that was enough aside from saying it _hurt_ . And not just psychologically, no. It hurt physically, Where she was used to feeling fluttering and small kicks, Rey was empty, and when Ben wheeled her out of the room and Rose handed her a cupcake with a pink frost ‘ _to break the hospital food experience_ ’… That was it. That was all she had in her hand, a pink cupcake. Her baby - the baby she’d be growing inside her and loving and caring for - wasn’t going home now. She wasn’t likely to come home for another half a year if they were lucky enough. 

Ben helped her into the car, and they were in deep silence while he drove to their flat, and the moment he parked, everything she’d been holding on came back, and Rey broke down. The sobs broke through her so strongly that her whole insides hurt from the c-section scars. 

“Ben,” she gasped for air. “I can’t leave. I can’t. No!” 

He opened the door of his side of the car, and for a moment, Rey thought she was alone. That was it. He had taken a lot already, he didn’t need her breaking down in the car after having to endure staying by her side for 10 days in a hospital stay as stressful as her. She was already trying to curl around herself when her door opened and someone unbuckled her seatbelt, and a pair of arms held her tightly against their chest, and their smell quickly gave it away. _Ben._

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay. They’re taking care of her.”

“We can’t leave her alone!” she babbled, feeling her heart shattering in her chest. How dare she? How dare she leave her daughter in the stupid cold room with no one to turn to, with no comfort or love from a parent that she could count on. Ophelia was already there because of her and her stupid decisions, and now she was _alone_. 

Ben moved from his position, apparently kneeling down, and Rey only opened her eyes when he held her face in his giant and comforting hands. 

“She’s not alone,” he affirmed firmly, his eyes hard on hers. “The NICU team is taking care of her, Poe and Jannah are taking care of her, they are not going to let anything happen to our baby, okay?”

She shook her head, sniffling. 

“It’s all my fault, Ben,” Rey reminded him. “It’s all my fault she’s there.”

He shook his head, and his thumbs moved down to her cheeks, caressing them and clearing her skin from the tears. 

“It’s not your fault,” he affirmed slowly. “It’s _not_ your fault. It’s genetics, it would happen regardless of whatever you did or didn’t do.”

“But…” 

He shook his head, firm and serious in a way he knew she needed. 

“No _buts_.”

Rey continued to sniffle and cry, though calmer now, and Ben descended his hands to her arms, rubbing them up and them. He was right. Blaming herself wouldn’t help, not now anyway. 

“We should be there,” she whispered. 

“We will,” he affirmed. “Tomorrow, when we’re settled and rested. Holdo called and suggested that she pays us a visit today, to help us to organise our schedule with the sessions, the visits and all that, and do our separated sessions.”

Rey nodded. They had agreed previously that it would be better for their therapy sessions to just be at the flat. Truth be told, when they first rented the place, it wasn’t just her and Ben living in it. Rose, Hux, Poe and Finn all lived with them, but moved out eventually to live as couples when their relationships became more serious, leaving a lot of space and empty rooms behind. Honestly, the only reason they didn’t call the place a house was that they lived in a building, but the configuration was almost the same. 

“Are you sure you still want to live together?” she asked in an almost whisper. 

Ben stared at her, momentarily quiet, and his thumb caressed her skin. 

“It’s going to be different,” he pointed out, finally. “Very different. But I think we need to find out what we want to do together with the time we have.”

He continued to stare at her, and Rey felt herself relaxing just as Ben brought his hands down, taking her hands in his. 

“I need you, Rey,” he confessed in a low voice. “I need you as much as you need me, trust me.” 

She didn’t answer, and both just stayed in silence, and he moved a hand right up to her face, clearing a remaining tear from Rey’s cheek and offering her a hand once again. 

“Let’s go home,” he reminded her. “We need to rest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	24. You hold me close (You wouldn't have me any other way)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

Time, they said, is the best friend for those seeking healing, and maybe the saying was right. Living with Rey was now somehow easier now that she didn’t have the wight of hiding her state from him, and they had a routine. He accompanied her to walks - something that proved itself helpful with the recovering from the preeclampsia and the surgery - and learnt very quickly things important to their little family: how important pumping every two hours was to keep the milk flowing, and how the milk should be properly stored. He slept with the soft blankets Jannah had given him and Rey, and watched them be put around his daughter to she could be accustomed to how her parents smelt. 

His patients had been given to different doctors according to their preferences and needs, as both him and Rey had decided to take the year off regardless of  _ when  _ Ophelia was to leave the hospital. They needed to work on their relationship, to learn how to co-parent and - above all - to care for their baby girl, and they didn’t want their jobs to be in the middle of that. 

They spent most of the day, every day, in the NICU, only arriving home at night, where they’d only have dinner and finish whatever was left to be finished before going to bed and repeating the cycle. Once a week, they had couples’ therapy with Holdo and twice a week each had their own session, and he could see it was slowly showing results. It was nice, considering everything. 

It was strange, looking at Ophelia and seeing her  _ do _ things. His daughter’s first six weeks of life had her in an incubator most of her time, and they could only watch from afar. Now that she was more stable, he and Rey, and even his parents and her grandmother sometimes, could interact more with her. Those were the best days. Other days, however, were harder than others.

The incubator was supposed to be the womb for the baby, which meant they were an important part of the process. Yesterday, both Ben and Rey had been given flannels they should sleep with for a couple of day, so their scents could cling to it and be put around her. Ophelia was also hooked into a respirator, which was probably on the top among the things that kept her alive. Due to the moist to keep it working, however, there was always a risk of it causing their daughter to catch an infection, which she had.

“We brought the flannels,” he announced, standing up when Jannah walked into their private room. “And her dress. Well, it’s more of a gown.”

The flannels were a request from the hospital. The incubator was supposed to be the womb for the baby, which meant they were an important part of the process. Yesterday, both Ben and Rey had been given them, so they could sleep with them for a couple of day, and their scents could cling to it and be used to simulate the womb for their daughter in a comforting way.

Finding clothes for micropreemies was hard - there weren’t many stores that pandered to that market and it wasn’t like such a thing was a necessity. Still, however, his mother had looked up and down for places that would sell clothes to fit Ophelia, and they had finally found something. Naturally, she ordered enough gowns to last her half a year and asked him to make sure to collect them before the hospital crew did so, so she could be the one to wash them herself. 

“We’ll dress her, then,” the nurse smiled. They had waited for her shift to start, so they could all experience this together. “I hope you were having a nice time before I arrived.”

“We were just watching her, honestly,” Rey confessed. “She’s… Something else.”

“She is.”

Ben fidgeted with his jacket, suddenly feeling sweaty. What if he did something wrong and hurt her? Ophelia was so small and his hands were bigger than her whole body, he would never forgive himself if he did something to hurt her. He watched Jannah silently, focusing his eyes on the water and sponge she brought to the side of the incubator, something he’d seen before but had never interacted with. Because of her limitations, his baby couldn’t be bathed as a common baby, but had regular sponge baths that kept her clean. 

When the nurse stepped aside, he rose his eyes to Rey, finding her nervously fidgeting with her shirt, and he gave her a reassuring look. If there was someone who could do it, it was her. It would be okay. 

“I’m here if you need help,” Jannah reassured them. “There’s no need to be afraid.”

His…  _ flatmate _ walked to the incubator, adjusting her clothes before turning to the task. It wasn’t so easy, and he could see Jannah watching closely every step, never interfering, however, and soon Ophelia was cleaned and dressed in a small diaper. 

“Ben,” Rey turned to him, and he could see she had tears in her eyes. “Come dress her.”

He unfroze from his place, reaching for the baby bag and taking the pink gown from it, walking to the incubator. When he was beside Rey, however, he realised he had no idea of how he was supposed to do this. 

Ben picked the small gown and sat down beside the incubator, but it was just when his hand got stuck in the middle of the way that he realised that the task was impossible. He rotates his wrist, spread his fingers and squeezed them together, but the fabric circle around it was too small, and if he pushed it any further, it’d rip. He’d never done more than reached with his fingers to touch her, he didn’t know his hand wouldn’t fit. 

“I can’t,” he said, finally, but his voice was barely more than a whisper. “I… Can’t. Jannah.”

“What’s wrong?” the nurse asked. 

He retreated slowly. Hurt. Broken. 

“I can’t,” Ben repeated. “My hands won’t fit.”

He was embarrassed beyond words. He couldn’t dress his daughter, a simple task, because his hands were too big. 

“Ben…” Rey called. 

“I’ll film you doing it,” he said quickly, masking his expression. “And take photos. My mum said she’d kill me if we didn’t send her photos of Ophelia in her gown.”

She didn’t say anything, and took his place when he stood closely on the opposite side, ignoring the masked pity look Jannah was giving him. All because of his stupid paw-sized hands. 

“Doesn’t she, Ben?” he heard, and blinked in confusion. 

On the screen - and in front of him - Rey was waiting for an answer and smiling gently in his direction. 

“Doesn’t she look beautiful?”

Ophelia stirred in her place and his heart sunk to his stomach. She did, yes. Dressed in the pink Velcro dress, she looked like a doll he was used to seeing kids caring around. 

“Like a little princess,” he whispered. 

Jannah left them alone not even five minutes later, and Ben excused himself right after, practically throwing himself onto one of the external seats and covered his face, already feeling the knot in his throat. 

It wasn’t a surprise when he felt Rey’s warm touch on his shoulder. 

“Ben,” she called. “Are you okay?”

“My hand didn’t fit,” he whimpered, rubbing his eyes to try and avoid crying. “I can’t put my hand in my daughter’s incubator, only my fingers, Rey. I was going to do this stupid small thing, the only thing I can do, and I can’t do it because my hands are too fucking big!”

The sob that escaped his lips was soft, but he knew she had noticed it, because her arms surrounded his shoulders almost immediately. Before he could realise, Rey was already standing between his legs, holding him closing as he cried. 

“It’s okay,” she caressed his hair. “She’ll be out of the incubator in a minute, Ben, you’ll see. We’ll be able to touch her all over.”

He nodded, looking up, and felt his heart racing when their eyes met. 

Rey’s hands moved to his face and, delicate as ever, she used her fingers to dry his tears. 

“For whatever it’s worth,” she smiled down at him. “I love your big hands.”

Ben felt his face heating up, and he knew he was blushing, but he didn’t stop the crooked smile that formed on his lips. 

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	25. Time To Move On Now (Without the Fear of How in Might End)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on the chapter. I have food poisoning and my week sucks. 
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

“Oh, she’s such a precious little thing,” Rose cooed to the video in front of her. 

Ophelia was growing strong, just as everyone was expecting. She had grown out of her first clothes, was gaining weight and eating more and more every day, which amazed everyone. Her most recent milestone was opening her eyes, and she was the most curious of little bugs, turning in the direction of any voice, as soft as it would be. 

“And she looks more like Ben every day,” Rey confessed. “Leia and Han are quite literally drooling over her every time they visit. You should stop by when you can.”

Rose’s eyes widened, and she leant over to rest her glass of wine on the near coffee table. 

“I don’t want to be a bother,” she said quickly. “I know it’s a stressful situation, someone else barging in is the last thing…”

But Rey just shook her head. 

“Oh, no, Rose. Ben and I both agree you and the guys should be free to see her just as well, you’re family.”

Her friend smiled and seemed thoughtful for a brief moment. 

“Speaking of you and Ben…”

There it was. She knew the subject would come sooner or later. 

“You know how Hux and I are nearly done moving into our new house, right?” she asked. 

Rey nodded. How could she ever forget when that was  _ all  _ Rose talked about? 

“Well, his landlord asked for his apartment back at an earlier date than we expect, he’s already sold the place, so we’ll have to move his things into the new house’s garage, and he will stay with me and Paige while we finish giving the house it’s last touches,” she told her. “That means we had to reschedule a date, but we still have reservations to a restaurant. Maybe you should go with Ben. It could be your first date.”

Her eyes widened. A date with Ben? She wasn’t exactly sure if that was a good idea. While their relationship was better now, she hadn’t thought about how things were in the  _ romantic _ side of things. It felt like a bit of a stretch of thing. 

“Rose…”

“Why not?” Rose insisted. “You two deserve a break after everything you’ve been through.”

“I don’t know if Ben will like the idea,” she sighed. “A  _ date, _ Rose?”

Her friend shook her head. 

“And how bad would a date be for you two? You and Ben are in love, you know it, he knows it, everybody knows it,” she rolled her eyes. “Give it a try.”

She was about to answer - and protest some more - but the door opened and Ben walked into the flat, setting fabric bags filled with groceries down and shedding his jacket, which was a bit wet from the raining outside.

“Hey Rose,” he called from his place. “Is your phone on?”

Rose looked at him with a frown between her brows.

“It died, I put it to charge in the kitchen. Why?”

“Hux is trying to call you,” he explained. “You better check it up, it sounds important.”

Rose got up, walking out to check the said calls, leaving the pair of parents alone. 

“Do you need help?” she offered, pointed at the groceries on the floor. 

Ben looked down and shook his head.

“No, don’t worry,” he answered, just as Rose emerged from the kitchen, fishing for her handbag and storing her things inside. “Well?”

“I have to go,” she wrote something down on the phone. “Hux ate something wrong and got the worst diarrhoea now. I need to get him some medicine and buy toilet paper.”

Ben snorted and Rey laughed, both knowing they were  _ not _ supposed to hear that. 

“Do you want a ride?” he offered. 

“I just got myself an Uber,” she waved a hand. “It’ll be here in a minute, don’t worry. Bye Rey-Rey, bye Ben. Good luck.” 

Rey’s eyes widened, but their friend left quick, spotting a tiny grin and leaving them behind. 

“Good luck?” he turned to her.

Rey shrugged. 

“No idea,” she lied. 

Ben didn’t say anything, and just walked into the pantry with the groceries, and she fidgeted with her top. Maybe she  _ should  _ invite him. How badly could it go? 

_ Very badly _ , her mind answered almost instantly.  _ Third world war doesn’t define how badly that could go.  _

“Rey,” his voice dragged her from her thoughts. 

Ben was standing in front of the arch that divided the kitchen and the living room with his hands buried in his pockets, a clear sign he was nervous, and hunched in such a way he almost seemed like was trying to get smaller. 

“Hux called me,” he said slowly. “His landlord asked for his apartment earlier than expect, so he’ll have to move out before he was planned to.”

Rey raised her eyebrows a bit. Rose had already told her about that, almost in the same words. She was moving into a new place with Hux, an actual suburban house, with a white picket fence and two dogs, and maybe a kid soon. The whole American dream. 

“I heard.”

“He…” he hesitated and cleared his throat. “He has a reservation for that restaurant you like on the very same day as the moving. He offered it to me.”

Her heart raced in her chest at the words between the lines. Did he mean...

“Maybe we could go?’ he suggested. “Together.”

She swallowed down, holding a breath. 

Truth be told, Tey really didn’t know where her relationship with Ben was standing. They were civil and on a friendly level, but she couldn’t help but wonder if they would ever be a couple. She had declared her love for him, and Ben had done the same to her, but love alone isn’t enough to make or maintain a relationship, and their history wasn’t very good. They needed a lot of focus and effort if they wanted anything to work. 

“Like a date?” Rey asked. 

Ben blushed and looked down at his feet, and she could see his ear were very red. 

“If you want to,” he muttered, only loud enough for both to hear. “It’d be pretty great.”

When he looked up at her, his eyes were hopeful, and she felt her own chest filling with the feeling.

“I mean… I’d like to go to a date,” she tried to be nonchalant. “With you.”

Ben smiled, finally, and his shoulders dropped in the release of a tension she didn’t even notice he had been holding this whole time. 

“Great! I will…” he looked around. “I’ll call Hux, then. Get the details.”

She nodded. 

“Alright.”

Ben looked down again, giddy, and clearly trying to contain himself, but it was quite hard to fool Rey. They’d known one another for long over a decade, after all. 

“Okay,” he cleared his throat. “I’ll… I’ll go make dinner now.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Rey bit her lower lip, grinning.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on the chapter. I have food poisoning and my week sucks. 
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	26. We should just kiss (Like real people do)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

“I’ll have number 7,” Ben pointed to the menu. “And… Whatever wine the chef recommends. Rey?”

“Number 9,” she decided. “And whatever non-alcoholic beverage you seem fit for it.”

The waiter wrote it down, humming along. 

“Driving?” he asked, distracted. 

“Breastfeeding,” she corrected him, not thinking much. 

The young man gasped, looking right down at them, and Rey could finally notice how young he was. That boy couldn’t be over his first year in uni and behaved just like that. 

“It’s your first date about the baby!” he exclaimed. “Oh, couples come here for that all the time! What’s their name?”

Ben looked at her, completely confused, but turned back to the waiter. 

“Ophelia,” he stammered.

“Because of Shakespeare, right? Powerful! I’m studying him in school!” he smiled, picking their menus back. “Well, I’ll be back with your drinks in a minute. Have a nice date.”

The waiter left, leaving them alone, and Rey was the first to break the silence with a laugh. 

“He seems like a nice kid.”

Ben blinked a couple of times, but chuckled, catching up quickly. 

“Oh yeah,” he smirked. “Remember when we were his age? Wasn’t Finn a part-time waiter when we were in the first year of school?”

“He was,” Rey confirmed. “And I don’t know how he did it. I was exhausted with the school alone, I can’t believe he had the energy to work  _ and  _ study.”

“He didn’t,” Ben shrugged. “Good thing he got that scholarship, uh?”

She felt her cheeks heating up, and he laughed. 

“I’m just teasing you,” he assured her. 

A new waitress came by them and poured Ben his glass of wine before putting down a cocktail in front of Rey. 

“Non-alcoholic, as requested,” she assured them. “Excuse me.”

When they were entering their second year of school and things proved themselves to be even harder, Rey had found a very loopy way to get Finn a full scholarship  _ without _ directly giving him any money or, allegedly, bringing suspicion over herself. She’d created an organization that’d give out scholarships to ten BIPOC students in Harvard based on a mixture of background, good grades, school performance and a bunch of other things she  _ knew  _ Finn qualified for. It wasn’t a surprise when he was one of the ten selected students, though it  _ was _ a surprise that he actually knew about everything when it was said and done. 

Apparently, Rey had been trying too hard to get him to call his advisor - professor Maz Kanata - to make sure he’d be part of the group running for the scholarship, and he ended up looking into its origins. Poe was very quick to find Sabé’s name behind the organization and inform Finn, but her friend didn’t mind, only pointing out that he wanted things to be fair for him and all the students, which they absolutely were. He’d won the scholarship by merit, after all. 

“More people picked up on our organization these latest months,” she smiled. “Next year, we’ll be able to give out 25 full scholarships, would you believe that?”

“30,” Ben corrected her. “The hospital board had a reunion yesterday and decided to grant another two scholarships this year to students who are doing research about the coronaviruses, and mum and uncle Luke are also sponsoring one student each in their own areas.”

Rey raised her eyebrows in surprise and then frowned when she realised the number didn’t add up. 

“That’d be twenty-nine.”

“Well…” Ben moved on his seat. “I’m actually doing the same, but in Ophelia’s name.”

Her lips parted in surprise, and before she could say anything the waiter was serving them. 

“Ben…” Rey stared onto his face. 

“It’s the least I could do,” he shrugged. “This whole scheme was what made me  _ know  _ I’d marry her mother one day.”

She just stared at him in surprise. 

“I thought you’d said you fell in love with me when we were teens?” she asked. 

“I did,” he assured her. “But I knew it was more than a silly crush when I caught you working on that. You stayed up nights on end after studying taking care of the bureaucratic part and made sure everything was completely perfect, and it wasn’t even for your own benefit. It was just… You know, like a sign from the heavens that I wasn’t just a stupid kid with a random crush.”

Rey laughed, but had to blink away the tears that threaten to come to her eyes. 

“I just wanted to help him,” she shrugged. 

“I know,” Ben smiled - a real smile, one she hadn’t seen on his face for quite a while. “That’s why I love you.”

Her heart raced up, and she felt her whole face warming up as she blushed, and licked her lips, staring into his eyes and finding a mix of loving feelings. She put her hand over the table and Ben reached out, covering it with his, and smiled, even more, when Rey took it and kissed his palm. 

“I love you too,” she affirmed. “I might not be the most romantic woman but…”

“You’re perfect,” he corrected her. “Absolutely perfect.”

Dinner was uneventful after that - though it was hard to imagine anything with Ben being truly uneventful - and when the time came to go home, he was the perfect gentleman and opened the door for her when they left to wait for their ride, paid for it, and held her hand the whole time inside. 

“I had an amazing night,” she finally said when they entered their flat, discarding her shoes and purse. 

The tension between them could be cut with a knife, honestly, and none of them moved until he cleared his throat. 

“Can I walk you to your door, maybe?” he asked in a joking sound and cringed. “Oh, that was bad…”

“You can,” she answered, quickly.

Ben blushed, but didn’t let her hand go until they were standing by her bedroom door, and before Rey could even say anything, he was already kissing her. 

His lips were infinitely better than she remembered and tasted like the dessert wine he’d had with the cheesecake they shared, delicious and passionate. His hands cupped her face, cradling her neck in their giant size just as she grasped his shirt, wanting him even  _ closer.  _

“Rey…” he whispered, pulling away  _ too early. _

“Come in,” she asked, looking up his eyes, before he could say anything. “Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	27. Us, and only us (and what came before won’t count any more)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if it's us, what if it's us, and only us?   
> And came before won't count any more or matter? We can try that.  
> What if it's you, what if it's me, and what if that's all that we need it to be?  
> And the rest of the world falls away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

“Come in,” she had said, staring at him with her eyes so  _ hungry  _ that Ben’s whole body trembled in desire. “Please.”

He wondered if she knew what that did to him, how it made the goddamn fire she always sparkled inside him grow insanely bigger and his skin to prickle up. He wanted her. More than that, he  _ needed  _ her. 

“Yes.”

Rey opened the door to her room with her lower lip between and a bit of hesitancy in her steps. When they reached the centre of the room, she turned around, and Ben cupped her jaw, kissing her lips gently and feeling a shiver running up his back. She tasted like raspberry jelly and cheesecake, and he tightened his grip just as her hands gripped his shirt and froze when she pulled back. 

“Ben, I know passionate sex is amazing, and we can be all lovey-dovey you want later, but I’ve been waiting to do this since I was 15, and the last time didn’t count do I want you to literally fuck me silly. Okay?”

He blinked a couple of times, a bit surprised, and Rey blushed adorably with the lack of immediate reaction.

“Or we can…”

He didn’t let her complete or continue, taking his hands to her waist and raising her to kiss her once again, this time fiercely and her elegant fingers and pulling him closer. 

He walked blindly to where her bed was and released her lips, nibbling the way down her jaw to lick her earlobe, causing her to shiver. Ben kissed and licked her neck, where he knew she had a sweet spot, and smiled at the little whines leaving her lips. Rey turned her head to the side, exposing more skin, and he had to fight an urge to bite down on her neck and mark her like a primate man; maybe later, if she said she liked it. 

“Ben…” she whimpered, squirming. “ _ Don’t tease _ .”

He didn’t say anything, but travelled down, mouthing her collarbones and taking a hand up to her dress, stopping and resting his chin on her chest and looking up her face. 

“Can we take this off, Rey?” he questioned, almost too low but just enough for her ears. 

Rey moved underneath him, rubbing her legs together, and Ben felt himself throb just from imagining how good she’d feel.

Not yet. He was going to  _ worship  _ her, kiss her all over and make her cum so much from his lips that she’d be addicted to him. Then, he’d fuck her until her legs were weakly and wobbly, 

Yes, he’d make sure tonight would be unforgettable. 

* * *

Ben woke up with an uncommon warmth pressed up against him and kept still in the bed that was too short to be his. When he opened his eyes, though, the most pleasant image was in front of him, and he smiled; Rey was laid on his chest, with her hair widely spread over his skin and looking more peaceful than he'd ever seen her. Good God, how long had he waited for this? For this feeling of finally being truly at home and in her arms? Closer than two decades than to just one. It was almost overwhelming. 

He moved his hand slowly to her back, tracing her skin very gently, both wanting her to stay asleep and wake up and kiss him, and prove it to him that this was real and not just a dream. 

“Just five more minutes,” Rey muttered against the skin of his chest, squeezing the sheet right above his naked hip and sending a soft shiver over him. 

“All the minutes you want,” he chuckled, kissing the top of her head. 

Rey snuggled closer to him, burying her face into the crook of his neck and taking a long breath. 

“Good morning,” she held him tighter, less willing to release him than maybe he was to release her. He wished he could stay there with her forever, in a bubble in time that would never pop. 

“Good morning,” Ben smiled. “Did you sleep well?”

She chuckled. 

“Did we sleep much?” she teased him. 

“More than in Med School,” he scrunched his nose. 

Rey raised her head, resting her chin onto his torso and looking into his eyes before putting a hand in front of her mouth.

“Ben, any amount of sleep we have is more than what we had in a normal night in Med School,” she rolled her eyes. 

Ben frowned and moved the hand he didn’t have over her to hold her wrist - a tiny thing in his giant paw-like hand. 

“Why are you covering your mouth?” 

“I haven’t brushed my teeth,” she justified like it made any difference to him. 

Ben rolled to the side, quickly taking both her hands and pinning them above her head with a single one of his, and laying face to face with her. 

Rey blinked and gasped, surprised, and took her mouth in a kiss, completely disregarding any of her worries, and grinned when he pulled away. 

“I don’t give a fuck about your morning breath,” he assured her, giving her lips pecks to emphasise his words. “I will kiss you with morning breath, with wine breath, with garlic breath and with onion breath.”

She giggled, and he released her hands, staring onto her eyes. Fuck, Ben loved her so much. 

Finally, the world is on their side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	28. I know you hold my heart (Finally, this is where I belong)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

After talking, they decided not to tell anyone about their relationship, at least for the very start of it. It was a bit strange for Rey, finally dating Ben after being in love with him for her whole life. Suddenly, she could kiss him without fearing that it would change things between them, and she could be completely honest about how she was feeling. In all honesty, though, it just felt all like an inevitable next step to their friendship. For the first time, they were absolutely free with one another and this was the best feeling in the world. 

Ophelia had been moved out of her incubator and into an open crib. Her weight had increased to the right number, and she was finally able to regulated her own body temperature, which just meant the world for the whole family. Neither Ben nor Rey could be more thankful for the hospital and the people involved in helping her grow. Many breastfeeding parents - or parents of children who hadn’t survived and sadly passed away before or during their stay in the NICU - donated milk daily, and she had lost count of how many times Ophelia had been fed from those donations. Things were going well, and Rey didn’t remember being as happy as she was right now in a long, long time. 

“Look at him,” Rose poked Rey’s side, watching Ben from afar. “Rey, he’s smiling! Ben never smiles!”

“I know!” she grinned. “Things are going really well, Rose.”

“That’s amazing.”

Today, they were in her and Hux’ new house. Everyone had been invited to celebrate their move with a poolside barbecue, something quite American. It was no surprise when they required assistance, as neither of them knew anything about American barbecues. So now, Ben and Poe were fighting over the meat about who had a better technique in cooking. 

“Look, Ben, no offence, but I’m older,” their friend exclaimed, walking by the two of them to take beers from the ice. “I know better.”

“Well, I’m a dad,” Ben said simply. “Ask anyone. Who gives is the best person to command a grill?”

“A dad!” Kaydel yelled from across the yard, raising her head from where she was playing UNO cards with Finn and Phasma. 

It was very rare for everyone to have a day off together, so everyone was enjoying it as best as possible.

“Your cousin’s opinion doesn’t count,” Poe argued. 

“I agree with them,” Rey chimed in. 

“Nor does your baby mama’s.”

“I think they’re right too,” Rose announced. “You’ve lost, Poe. Don’t be a sore looser.”

He finally gave in and walked to Finn’s side, being welcomed by a sweet kiss on the lips, and Kaydel exchanged a look with Phasma before giving her card to Finn, who was shuffling them. 

“So, speaking of parenting…” she stood up. “We were waiting to talk to you guys until we were absolutely sure.”

Rey’s eyes widened, and Phasma smiled shyly by her girlfriend’s side. She was a private person, and had starting hanging out with their group of friends a couple of years after getting together with Kaydel - something that had happened right when their nurse friend had started working at the hospital, it was love at first sight. 

“We are going to be parents,” she announced, giving Kay a loving look. 

“Of twins!” Kaydel squeaked, clapping her hands together. 

“That’s amazing!” Rose exclaimed. 

“We’ve discussed that for over a year, I think,” their nurse friend explained. “Maybe more, right?”

Phasma nodded. 

“So we decided to do IVF, implant one egg of hers in me and one of my own eggs, and… Yeah...” Kaydel continued. “I’ve got buns in the oven.”

Finn was the first to go hug her, but Rey was quickly there too. It was good to see her friends reaching new places in life and fulfilling their dreams. 

With Finn and Poe married, Hux and Rose finally in the house they’ve always dreamed to live in and Kaydel with babies on the way, it really seemed like they were all very ready for a new step in adult life. 

Considering she was a mother too, now, it made her feel like their young years in Med school were really gone for good now. They were growing old, and it felt better than she ever expected. 

“This deserves more food,” Hux announced. “How are the hot dogs going, Ben?”

“I’m going to get the bums and condiments,” he announced. “Come on, Poe. Be my number two on the grill.”

Their paediatrician friend rolled his eyes, muttering something under his breath but replacing him. 

“I’ll help you,” Rey stood up from her chair. “Kaydel, can we get you anything to drink, you’ve been on water the whole day?”

“If you have any juice in the kitchen, it’d be great,” her friend smiled. “But I’m fine with whatever you find.”

Rey confirmed with a nod and followed Ben inside, stepped into the kitchen and watching for a moment as he picked sacks with bread for the burgers and hot dogs, and ketchup, mustard and Mayo. 

“Hey,” she stopped behind him, touching his arm, and Ben turned to look at her with a smile. 

“Hey, I’m almost done,” he pointed out. “I think I saw ice tea in the fridge.”

She followed his instructions, and pulled the brand tea bottle, checking to see if it was alcoholic before closing the door, and noticed Ben watching her silently. 

“What?”

“You’re beautiful,” he grinned.

“Shut up, Ben,” she rolled her eyes, feeling her cheeks warming up in embarrassment. 

“I mean it!” he insisted, leaving the bread aside and stepping close to her. “I’m happy we finally settled things, Rey. I really am.”

Rey grinned and reached for him, cupping his jaw and kissing his lips gently. 

“Are we still telling them today?” he asked, pulling away from her. 

“I don’t know… Maybe later? We should let Kaydel and Phasma have their moment,” she pointed out. “They’re so happy!”

Ben nodded. 

“We can wait,” he agreed. “Their news are way better and more important, anyway.”

Rey confirmed and sighed, tilting her head a bit. 

“Oh, Ben…” She giggled. “We’re getting old.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

“Old?” he asked. 

“A marriage, a house in the suburbs, babies…” she listed. “We’re doing adult things.”

That seemed to make him stop and think for a brief moment. 

“That’s true,” he looked around. “Did you think about this when we were young? About how everything would happen, where we’d all be by now?”

She shook her head. 

“Not really. I couldn’t think of anything more than you back then, to be honest.”

Ben blushed, and rested his forehead on hers. 

“Maybe…” he whispered. “Maybe it could be us taking a new step soon.”

Rey frowned. 

“A new step?”

Ben nodded. 

“When Ophelia is out of the NICU and home, and after her _brit bat_ ,” he listed. “Maybe we could… You know… Maybe get more serious?”

Her heart skipped a beat, and her lips opened in a big surprised expression. 

“Is that a proposal?” she whispered. 

“Maybe?” he grimaced. “I know this is not how you usually do it, but… It’s been over 15 years, Rey. We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”

She let out a laugh, completely shocked and with her eyes full of tears. 

“We did, right?” she whispered. “We’ve waited long enough.”

Ben grinned largely and took her hand in his, squeezing it tightly.

“Is that a yes?”

She nodded. 

“It is.”

He kissed her once again, this time wrapping his arms around her waist and practically dipping her while  _ devouring  _ her mouth passionately. When they pulled away, Rey was completely out of breath and her heart was beating faster than ever before. 

“I can’t give you your ring here,” he laughed. “Everyone will see it.”

She stared at him with shock. 

“It’s here?”

He blushed once again, this time so deeply that it covered his neck and climbed to his lovely ears. 

“I’ve been carrying it around since the restaurant.”

She covered her mouth with a hand, giggling, almost hysterical.

“Ben!”

His response was just a smile, and she had to take a moment to breath and stop crying. 

“We have to go back, they’ll look for us.”

He was hesitant to let her go, but did it after a new peck on her lips, and Rey carried the condiments and tea outside. Everyone was just where they were before, with Rose spreading sunscreen over Hux pale back under a shadow and Kaydel giggling with Finn over something she didn’t quite hear. She didn’t miss, however, the looks everyone exchanged when Ben walked out right behind her, and it was Poe who broke the casual atmosphere. 

“Rey and Ben hiding in the kitchen,” he sang. 

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” the whole group - even Phasma - joined in, and Rey felt her whole face hot. 

“Oh, shut up,” she poured the ice tea on her and Kaydel’s cup. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” her pregnant friend asked. “You’re together! That’s so wonderful!”

“We didn’t want to steal your thunder,” she said simply. “It’d be terribly impolite.”

“It’d be a cluster of good news,” Phasma corrected her. 

She shook her head, and looked for Ben, but he was nowhere to be found. 

“Well, we’re together since the dinner night,” she confessed. “And we’re happy.”

On the other side of the yard, Hux stood up. 

“I knew it!” he celebrated. “Damerons, you own us a hundred.”

Finn and Poe shook complained, but each fished for their wallets, and Rey shook her head. Well, she wasn’t surprised, she knew her friends. 

Loud steps made her turn around, and Ben was walking down the short stairs from the back door of the house, holding something in his hand. 

“No need to hide this, then,” he approached her.

Rey didn’t have the time to react, and he was already going down on one knee, making everyone gasp. He didn’t say anything, and just looked up into her eyes. Silently, she offered her hand, Ben smiled.

“Rey!” Rose yelled. 

“I already said yes in the kitchen,” she announced, not even looking away from him, and continued to stare into his eye as Ben slid the ring into her finger, stood up, and kissed her lips. 

Their friends applauded around them, and she grinned, holding his face in her hands. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


	29. In the end, we've always been good lovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)

“Happy birthday, Ophelia,” Ben bounced his daughter gently, singing along with the small group in their flat. “Happy birthday to you.”

Ophelia blinked down at the whole commotion, sleepily clutching her father’s costume, and Rey knew this had been the best time to sing her song. It was almost nap time not just for her, but to the twins, and she didn’t want to disturb their schedules or waste the party away. 

Her baby girl’s second birthday has so different from her first no one in their family had missed it or even questioned the dress code. They were all dressed in DIY costumes, from cartoon characters to famous superheroes and even outfits composed by a simple Iron Man armour t-shirt. It was supposed to be fun and simple. Even Hux had obliged to the costume dress code, and had found a red jacket and a white t-shirt - something completely out of his style - to dot his Futurama’s Fry costume. 

“ _ Everything for the kids _ ,” he’d begrudged said. 

No one mentioned that the kids were all too young to even be bothered by him not wearing anything elaborate. 

“Do you want daddy to blow your candles?” Ben asked caressing his daughter’s pitch dark waves, but Ophelia was already dozing off on his shoulder, making him chuckle. Rey did the job for the two of them, swiftly putting off the candle with a wave of a plastic plate.

Ophelia’s first birthday had been in the NICU, with a single cupcake and a video call with their silent friends and family to make up for the limited number of people allowed in the room, a cold and tense day that felt so far away and so close at the same time it made Rey want to cry all over again. Now, their whole family was just happy with celebrating all together at home. She was developing like a premature baby would, with the body of a 21-month-old and its right milestones. Just last week, she’d done the stunt of running all around the house to follow Ben into the bathroom, and had cried a river when he didn’t let her in. 

“I’ll put her in her crib,” he announced quietly. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Life was good to all of them now, finally. Ben and Rey’s wedding had been quiet, with just their loved ones and a few people from the hospital who were important to their little family, two months after Ophelia’s  _ brit bat _ and three after her move from the NICU to home. They didn’t even mind having to go through all the traditions to please Leia and Sabé, and even liked some of them. They were happy, and by the end of the day, finally felt like a complete family. 

“So,” Rey stopped in front of Rose. “Who are you supposed to be, again?”

Her friend was in a simple purple dress and dark flats, and she couldn’t quite catch her costume. It wasn’t like everyone had put a lot of work on what they were wearing - Ben had put on a white shirt, a pair of blue trousers and tied a scarf around his waist, and called himself Prince Eric, and Rey wasn’t the best example of her ‘Queen of Hearts’ costume, but her red dress was enough and her husband had been really dextrous in glueing the card together to make her collar - but Rose’s clothes were certainly confusing her. 

“I’m Bonnie Swanson, from Family Guy,” she rested a hand on her bump. “The TV show.”

Rey just looked at her with confusion. 

“Doesn’t ring any bells do me,” she shrugged, and both turned a bit when Ben walked out of the nursery, fixing his DIY belt and smiling at them. 

“Did you know Phasma and Kaydel dressed the twins like Phil and Lil from Rugrats?” he questioned, smiling as he put his arm around Rey. “They look adorable.”

“They certainly are as wild as Phil and Lil sometimes,” Rose noted. “They have Kaydel’s energy.”

They just chuckled, and Rey relaxed into Ben’s grip when he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder, just as Hux brought his partner a slice of cake from where Leia was cutting it, and the two were finally left alone for the first time in the day. 

“Come here,” Ben pulled on her waist. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”

Rey looked around for a moment, but didn’t hesitate to follow after him, and smiled when he held her again, just as before, looking over the city moving under daylight. 

“Look over there,” he pointed. “Two houses down dad’s favourite bakery.”

She obliged, squinting. It was an empty land, enough to build a big house or a small building, and from afar, Rey could see a ‘ _ sold’  _ red sign over where just last week it was put on sale. 

“How big do you want our house to be?”

She turned to him so fast that Ben had to jump back, catching him with a large smile on his lips. 

“You didn’t!” Rey exclaimed. 

“I did,” he confirmed. “And I got the one beside it too. For Sabé.”

She grabbed his face and kissed him passionately, absolutely surprising her husband with the action. 

“You are amazing,” Rey whispered as soon as they pulled away. “You shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to,” he cupped her jaw, placing a single peck on the lips. “We’ll be five minutes away from everyone in any direction, and Ophelia will be able to grow up with our family. Sabé will not need to give up on her independency, but we’ll be close enough that you won’t worry about her every day,” he listed. “And Ophelia will have space to grow and run around that is not a flat made for college students.”

She chuckled. Their place wasn’t bad, but he was right. It wasn’t a place for a growing family. 

“Well… I suppose a family of four or five needs a house with enough rooms to accommodate everyone. And we need offices, of course. A pool, a backyard big enough for the kids, with swings and maybe a tree…”

“Wait,” Ben interrupted her, and held her hands in his. “ _ Kids _ ?”

Rey nodded, and his eyes grew big like plates. 

“Are you…?”

“Not right now,” she laughed. “I still have my IUD. But… Well, maybe we could. Ophelia is still young, and we could time this one with Finn and Poe’s plans of having their own kid next year.”

He continued to stare at her in silence for a whole moment, with his mouth opening and closing. 

“Rey, I don’t know,” he finally managed to say. “With everything that you went through with Ophelia, you almost died.”

She simply shrugged. 

“I talked to Rose,” she told him. “And we can start looking out for problems and treating them right at the start. Besides, I don’t have to carry them. Finn told me about the agency they will be contract, and they have a great policy with surrogates. And there are so many kids out there who don’t have parents, I’m very open to adoption too.”

His eyes softened and Ben finally smiled, tilting his head. 

“You didn’t tell me.”

“I want a big family with you,” Rey raised his hands close to her face, and kissed his knuckles.

Ben briefly let go of her in response, just to cup her jaw and kiss her lips right after, with so much love she could almost feel it pouring from both their pores. When he pulled away, he just put his arms around her like they were before, and both stared at way at where their home would soon be. 

“Rey,” he called, resting his chin on the top of her head. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad I decided to go to that trip,” he whispered. “And to that presentation of Ophelia.”

Rey smiled, and moved her hand to cover his where it was resting, just under her ribs. 

“Me too, Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I went with the ending where everyone has babies and lives happily ever after in the suburbs. They deserve it guys, please.  
> Thank you for following the story, commenting and helping, and I hope I see you soon in my new Reylo projects. If you're into Royalty AU, keep your eyes open, because I have one cooking for you to be posted in December.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/welldonebeca)  
> Come check the [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjt6IT7cVTF0seQpb23Nw7_oaFx3_hThf).  
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://welldonebeca.tumblr.com/)


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